Imagine if you were stuck in this scenario: You want to attend Avengers: Age of Ultron on opening night, but you can't, because you don't have the appropriate skin-tight muscle shirt with the exact design of a member of the Avengers' chest to wear.

Well don't worry, all you people who I'm sure are afflicted by that dilemma. Under Armour has got you with its new collection of Avengers-themed compression shirts, t-shirts, leggings and shorts. It's part of the brand's Alter Ego line, which also includes some DC Comics items.

The new men's compression shirts for Iron Man, Captain America and Thor, and the compression tank for Black Widow (the only item for women in the new collection) emulate those characters' armor, while the Hulk shirt just straight-up looks like a green chest. It's like the costume El Gigante used to wrestle in.

The designs get a little less torsoish on the t-shirts, which feature Avengers logos stylized for each character. On the kids' t-shirts, there's a cool, college-style design that has the year each character was created. (Apparently those are only available in boys' sizes, which is a bummer.)

There's also boys' underwear, which leads me to the very important question, why can't I get these in an adult size?

 

 

Really, what the hell, Under Armour? Sometimes a fellow just wants to wear some shields under his jeans. (And I bet some women would want to do the same.)

There are also shorts and socks in the collection, but those only come in boys' sizes, too.

And hey, where's Hawkeye? I can kind of understand why Vision, Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch weren't included (though it would have been nice to have another woman represented) since they weren't in the first movie, but Hawkeye got cold snubbed.

Let's get to the bottom of this mystery about what Under Armour has against archery, coffee, and pizza dogs.