Yearbook Week Special: The 7 Best Schools In Comics
With summer fast approaching, it’s time once again for students everywhere to bid farewell to their schools for the summer, and start thinking about their inevitable return in the fall! With that in mind, we’re looking at some of our favorite comic book schools to see which ones we’d like to attend, and which ones we couldn’t wait to get out of!
Currently known as the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning, Professor Xavier’s school has a long history of offering a classical education to young mutants, focusing on math, science, literature and disabling giant killer robots with power blasts out of one’s eyes. Located in picturesque Westchester County, New York (with a branch in Massachusetts), the privately funded campus boasts spacious grounds, swimming pools, ample housing and classrooms, a staff of experienced professionals (though not exactly experienced in teaching, per se) and a training facility that combines D&D-esque traps with alien holographic technology.
Unfortunately for the school’s reputation, it also boasts a mortality rate that even Action Park never managed to match. The facility itself has been destroyed on a fairly regular basis and has been attacked by everyone from the federal government, religious extremists and even faculty members who fall under the mind control of secret ninja organizations. Also, it’s thought to be the epicenter of the Great Belt Pouch Shortage that affected New York in from 1991-2001.
Sure, it’s pretty much the only place designed to handle the unique educational needs of mutants, but when your school’s unofficial motto is “hope you survive the experience,” you might be better off getting a GED and worrying about how to control your laser vision later.
Under the leadership of Principal Waldo Weatherbee, Riverdale High remains one of the most beloved educational institutions by its student body of “typical teens,” because what’s more typical among teenagers than loving your school so much that you wear a sweater vest with a giant R on it every single day?
Still, despite Weatherbee’s hard-line emphasis on detention–a disciplinary tactic that is quite literally old school–behavior remains a concern. Students are often seen flirting during class (especially worrisome considering that they flirt via text message without actually seeming to understand what texting actually is), at least one is encouraged by the cafeteria staff to eat massive amounts of food with questionable nutritional value, and the science lab is blown up, albeit harmlessly, with alarming regularity.
As for the education itself, it’s difficult to say, as no one has actually ever graduated from Riverdale High. Unlike most public high schools, which have four-year programs, RHS’s curriculum appears to last at least seven decades and counting.
Not to be confused with State University–a school with at least two alumni who have gone on to build time machines, thus making it the best state school in the history of education–New York City’s ESU has a long history of educational excellence and dubious science experiments with absolutely no oversight whatsoever.
In addition to the very real possibility that you’ll be exposed to power-inducing radiation, mystical artifacts, and at least one professor who is as likely to eat you as give you a passing grade, students can expect a level of flexibility in class scheduling that allows you to complete your degree even if you’re holding down a part-time job as a freelance photographer and a full-time job trying to keep your girlfriend from being chucked off a bridge.
Good luck with all that!
Like the Xavier Institute, PS238 (named, fittingly enough, for a common isotope of Uranium) is designed to handle the special educational requirements of super-powered kids, but with a special emphasis on educating the children of super-powered heroes. Children can learn to harness their powers (or cope with a lack of powers, in some cases) in an environment supervised by both experienced heroes and (hopefully) reformed villains.
As such, PS238 also prime recruitment pool for heroes in the market for a new sidekick, so parents should be extremely cautious when signing any permission slips.
RVJHS is about as typical a school as you’re going to get in a super-hero universe, which is to say that in between exams, there’s a pretty good chance that you’re going to get kidnapped by a teacher and turned into an unwitting suicide bomb before being sent to blow up the mall. So really, only slightly more dangerous than your average high school.
The benefit? You get to attend a school named after this man:
Considered one of the worst high schools in Japan, Cromartie is known less for its educational benefits (there appear to be none) and more for its students, the toughest collection of badass delinquents to ever set foot in a high school–and also the strangest.
In addition to the usual gang of toughs, the school’s student body also includes Mechazawa (a robot), Masked Takenouchi (a hijacker in his 30s who took the place of a student), The Four Great Ones (a gang of five students whose faces are painted to look like KISS and the Great Muta), Gorilla (a gorilla), and Freddie, who never wears a shirt and bears a striking resemblance to the late Queen frontman Freddie Mercury.
This may not lead to an environment conducive to learning–and is, in fact, quite disruptive–but we applaud their commitment to diversity.
The alma mater of the grade-school versions of the DC super-heroes that populate “Tiny Titans,” Sidekick Elementary is exactly what it says: an elementary school for kid sidekicks. That would be pretty notable under any circumstances, but what’s really interesting here is the faculty.
The day-to-day education of the Tiny Titans is handled by Principal Slade–alias Deathstroke the Terminator–as well as teachers like Dr. Light (science) and frequent substitute Trigon, with other staff members including hall monitor The Monitor, anti-hall monitor the Anti-Monitor, and Lunchlady Darkseid.
One more time, that’s Lunchlady Darkseid.