Welcome to Cast Party, the feature that imagines a world with even more live action comic book adaptations than we currently have, and comes up with arguably the best casting suggestions you’re ever going to find for the movies and shows we wish could exist. Today, we're imagining a movie about the Starjammers, a team of heroic space pirates introduced in the pages of Uncanny X-Men by Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum.

I'm genuinely surprised this movie hasn't already been made. Marvel Studios had a big hit with a rollicking space adventure called Guardians of the Galaxy, and meanwhile Fox is on the lookout for X-Men spin-offs. A Starjammers movie, with a fun adventurous tone of its own, seems like a natural for them. I'd give it to Robert Rodriguez, an extraordinarily talented director who could probably use a push out of his neo-grindhouse sandbox.

The plot would be something to do with the Starjammers being recruited by Lilandra of the Shi'ar to help her regain the throne from her brother, Emperor D'Ken the Mad. What really matters isn't the exact plot, though. It's the space battles, the swordfights, the standing up to the seemingly unbeatable Imperial Guard, and Deathbird swooping in out of nowhere to make trouble for both her siblings and everyone else too.

  • George Clooney as Corsair

    Marvel/Columbia

    Clooney's done his share of sci fi, but this will be his first time playing a dashing space pirate, something I think he's suited for. He's also old enough to have two or three adult sons. He'll have to grow a bigger mustache, but I'm confident he's up to the task.

  • Julie Delpy as Hepzibah

    Marvel/Faliro House

    In the comics, Hepzibah has a general sort of "non-native English speaker" accent, but I like the idea of her being specifically French, but in an alien skunk-person sort of way. It was also important to me that she be an age-appropriate love interest for Clooney, which is the opposite of what Hollywood usually does.

  • Stephen Fry as Ch'od

    Marvel/Fox

    Ch'od will have to be mostly CGI, but I love the idea of the giant reptile guy speaking with Fry's voice.

  • Djimon Hounsou as Raza Longknife

    Marvel/Warner Bros

    True, Hounsou already played an alien cyborg in Guardians of the Galaxy, but he barely got to do anything in that movie, so I don't think it should disqualify him from being in this one.

  • Michelle Rodriguez as Binary

    Marvel/Universal

    Now obviously we can't call her Carol Danvers, since that character's going to be in upcoming Marvel Studios movies. But she'd lost her memory when she joined the Starjammers, so we'll just call her an amnesiac Earth pilot, and never say her real name.

  • H. Jon Benjamin as Sikorsky

    Marvel/Comedy Central

    The robotic ship's doctor is a minor part, but Benjamin's always delightful voice will make it memorable.

  • Gugu Mbatha-Raw as Lilandra

    Marvel/BET Films

    It will take a really spectacular beauty to look like a literal queen when she has feathers in place of her hair, but Mbatha-Raw has that quality. She even looked fabulous with bat ears in Jupiter Ascending.

  • Dean Cain as Gladiator

    Marvel/WWE Films

    It's too soon for Henry Cavill, and Brandon Routh just looks too friendly. Cain proved in Vendetta that he can still intimidate, and I can't wait to see how he looks with a mohawk.

  • Nestor Carbonell as D'Ken

    Marvel/Warner Bros

    Carbonell's a character actor I've always liked, and his shadowy eyes are perfect for the mad emperor of the Shi'ar.

  • Eva Green as Deathbird

    Marvel/Showtime

    Green specializes in "beautiful and terrifying," which is exactly what Deathbird requires.