Welcome to Cast Party, the feature that imagines a world with even more live action comic book adaptations than we currently have, and comes up with arguably the best casting suggestions you’re ever going to find for the movies and shows we wish could exist.

Back when I envisioned a movie about the Silver Age Doom Patrol, I promised a Grant Morrison-derived sequel, and that's what we're doing this week. Let's call this movie Doom Patrol: The Painting That Ate Paris, after the collected edition of the second arc by Morrison and Richard Case, which it's based on. We'll also include elements of the previous story, Crawling from the Wreckage, to show this bizarre version of the team coming together.

Returning from the previous Doom Patrol movie will be David Duchovny as Chief Niles Caulder, who becomes a far more sinister figure here, and Nick Offerman as Cliff Steele, who just becomes that much more cynical. My first choice for director would be Yorgos Lanthimos, who made Dogtooth and The Lobster, and seems like he could probably tap into that early Morrison tone.

  • Jena Malone as Jane

    DC/Bold Films

    Jane is basically a whole bunch of characters in one body (each with their own power). Malone is one of my favorite character actresses, and I'd love to see what she can bring to the part.

  • Jiz Lee as Rebis

    DC/Amazon

    Rebis doesn't predate the existence of people outside the gender binary, but they do predate the public acceptance and discussion of non-binary identities. So it felt important to me to cast an actual genderqueer actor to navigate the role. Plus Lee is awesome and it would be great to see them in more above-ground productions.

  • Andre Royo as Joshua Clay

    DC/Fox

    Royo just bleeds charisma, and he'll be perfect as the guy who insists he's retired as a superhero but doesn't actually leave the team.

  • Camren Bicondova as Dorothy Spinner

    DC/Fox

    Bicondova is one of the best parts of the mess of a show that is Gotham, and she seems like a daring enough young actress to be up for working under neanderthalish prosthetics as the mutant Dorothy.

  • Colt Cabana as Flex Mentallo

    DC/Art of Wrestling

    At first I was just looking for a body for this part, but then I realized that Cabana, while he's not quite a John Cena physically, would bring his old school charm and perfect comic timing to the role, which is what will really make the Hero of the Beach work. I wouldn't rule out a spinoff movie for this guy.

  • Mark Hamill as Mr. Nobody

    DC/Lucasfilm

    Mr. Nobody is barely there. He's mostly just a voice, and probably a pretty weird voice. And nobody's better at weird voices than Hamill.

  • Method Man as Frenzy

    DC/New Line

    I'm not sure what Morrison was going for with Frenzy, but it probably needs to be rethought a bit. In any case, Method Man is always a fun presence with something to bring to the table.

  • Natasha O'Keeffe as Sleepwalk

    DC/Clerkenwell Films

    Obviously she'll be asleep for most of the movie, so I mostly wanted somebody with an interesting look. And yes, we're totally giving her that eye makeup.

  • Sam Rockwell as the Fog

    DC/Amasia Entertainment

    Let's be honest, Rockwell plays a lot of parts where he seems pretty foggy.

  • Chiaki Kuriyama as the Quiz

    DC/Kyodo Television

    She has every superpower you haven't thought of yet, and she really doesn't want you anywhere near here. That's pretty different from Kuriyama's famous role in Kill Bill, but I think she can handle it.