The latest piece of The New York Times Pulitzer-worthy series of articles about Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark indicated that the retooled Broadway musical based on the Marvel Comics superhero is indeed less disastrously awful than it once was, but stopped somewhere in "lousy" on its way to "good" and is only suitable for young children. Prompted by the harsh review, Conan O'Brien put together an approximation of what a kids' version of Turn Off the Dark would look like, complete with original songs that are indeed quite terrible yet still measurably better than Bono and The Edge's "Boy Falls From the Sky."

Patrick Healy for The New York Times:

So is this ascent from jaw-dropping badness to mere mediocrity a step upward? Well, until last weekend, when I caught a performance of this show's latest incarnation, I would have recommended "Spider-Man" only to carrion-feasting theater vultures. Now, if I knew a less-than-precocious child of 10 or so, and had several hundred dollars to throw away, I would consider taking him or her to the new and improved "Spider-Man."