The breaking of a man's heart is a pathetic powerful event that yields an appropriately pathetic passionate reaction. But for a nerdy man, the consequences are even greater and even unpredictable, as demonstrated last week in a decidedly pathetic painful display by Kevin Nguyen. When confronted with the complete obliteration of what was almost certainly the most pathetic perfect relationship of his life, never to be outdone, the nerdy man will always retreat to the soft bussom of anime or Star Trek, and - perhaps in anticipation of Pokémon: Black & White's U.S. debut next month -- Nguyen chose the former.

Fueled by a pathetic potent mixture of heartache and liquor, the co-editor of The Bygone Bureau decided to design several new Pokémon with artist Hallie Bateman. Pathetically Poignantly, it was through these creations and Nguyen's drunkenly typed commentary that the pathetic plaintive story of his recent breakup rose to the surface.

This is Dogerpion, Kevin's Pokémon avatar. It's just all the cool animals combined, but has no powers, maybe no job, and is basically impotent.

This is Lindseahorse, or Kevin's ex, Lindsay. Kind of a b*tch.

This Jaredouche, or Jared. His power is to have an education, job, car, etc.

This is Kevin's pathetic phenomenal drunken evolution.

You can see where this goes. Make sure to head over to The Bygone Bureau for the rest of the story, because it's honestly really damn funny, we want Kevin to know he's a solid bro.

[Via Kotaku]