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Edward Gorey’s Advice on Losing Your Virginity

Edward Gorey is best known for his macabre cartoons, but the cartoonist — who Wikipedia claims was a fan of “Batman: The Animated Series” and “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” — also wrote a lesser-known satire of etiquette books called “The Recently Deflowered Girl.” It discusses the proper way to act after losing your virginity to blind dates, marimba players, Chinese detectives, and method actors, with each scenario followed by a bit of advice from the fictional Miss Hyacinthe Phypps:

“You lose flower to Roger but win his fraternity pin. Next day you encounter campus queen. You notice she is wearing identical pin. ‘Oh,” you say warmly, ‘I see you are also pinned to a Gamma Gamma Gamma. Which one?’ Campus Queen smiles, ‘Why to Roger, of course.’

You say lovingly, ‘Roger is awfully generous.’

A smart girl will always find opportunities to compliment her young man in the presence of others. -Miss H.P.

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