End of the Week Explosion #22
Welcome to this week’s Explosion. The End of the Week Explosion is like a regular blog about weekly events, but in career co-op mode. Or maybe it’s like a boss battle with Seacord, but instead of guitars, you huff glue. And the only songs you can play are “Nightman” or “Rock, Flag and Eagle”. Who would want to play anything else anyway? Unless you live in give up America.
Q: Dude, ROCK BAND is this Tuesday. It’s like someone is replacing the crack that is Guitar Hero with something much stronger. Is ROCK BAND the Nuke of the video game world?
What’s up bro? Yes, absolutely. I played the demo drum set in Arizona and it was pretty badass. I’m not so stoked for the drums as I am the fact that I can finally express myself musically on Xbox Live. I’ve given up on an actual social life so this is my way of sharing the gift that is my voice, truly angelic as it is, with the world. What most people don’t know about me is that aside from aspiring to be a drain on society, sleeping till 3 pm, and owning a trained monkey to do my bidding, I would like to win American Idol. It seems like that is completely doable and would fit in my schedule because no one hears from you if you win now anyways…oooh hooo. See what I did there? Huh? I basically said American Idol isn’t that popular and their singers just disappear after they win. Zip. Zing. Bang! But seriously, I want to win and would totally Nancy Kerrigan someone to do it. Fox, call me.
Q: A pair of “Hannah Montana Live” tickets have been bought anonymously for $13,000. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?
What dude? No. Just no. I can’t tell you what’s wrong with that statement. First off, the words thirteen and thousand together. That’s like more money than Todd Gates, you know the Microsoft guy, has. The thirteen I MIGHT be able to scrape together, and by scrape I mean grab out of the register at CVS and run out. Not that I advocate that sort of thing because those old ladies WILL hit you. With canes. AND it doesn’t feel good, and nothing is more embarrassing then waking up in your own urine with an elderly woman standing over you calling you “bitch”. The cops don’t even arrest you. They just call their friends and stand, point, laugh. I died a little inside that day.
Q: Some kid dressed like Spider-Man saved a little girl from a burning building. Wait, what?! I think he must huffing glue and, or paint.
What is so unbelievable about this story is that those costumes are usually more flammable then gasoline. Just what we need, a rash of goons living out their childhood fantasies of being a super hero and killing themselves by doing stuff like this. I’m glad the little girl got saved and everything but you realize that for every girl that gets saved ten people in comic book outfits will jump off of buildings, go hunting for terrorists and get thrown out of their Mom’s house for turning the basement into the “Batcave”. At any rate I better type faster because the credit card I gave the Kinko’s guy is bound to be flagged stolen any minute.
Q: If this whole blogging thing doesn’t work out, I think you should take up chess boxing. Do you think you can kick a dude’s ass before he can checkmate you?
Yes. I did it in high school all the time. I mean I did it in A high school all the time. I never actually graduated. Of course I was 24 at the time and they were 14/15 but they were definitely scrappers. But seriously chess and fighting? Even if I did this I wouldn’t tell anyone about this let alone put it on the internet. I’ve got a game for these kids how about checkers in the bathtub with me standing there with a toaster and when someone yells king me, I drop the toaster. If I walk in there and they are sitting there naked playing checkers in the bathtub I’m just dropping the toaster and calling it a day. All of this would be more fun if they just took chess out of the equation all together. Ok gotta go, I’m getting some seriously dirty looks from the Kinko’s folks. I guess they don’t give complimentary food here and some guy looks pissed that I took his dinner out of the fridge. Later man.