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End of the Week Explosion #8

Mushroom cloudIt’s the end of the week explosion! Our friend Seacord seems to have learned a lot from Adam “Packman” Jones and is trying to avoid any more conflicts with the law. As part of his community service, he has to talk to us about comics every week. Well, comics and action movies…

Q: We’ve got new guys Kevin and Wayne writing some pretty awesome stuff on the site this week – did you learn anything from their teachings?

OK – what is there not to learn? I feel like I’ve known Kevin and Wayne all of my life, as if we’d grown up together, you know? Just reading their articles brings back memories of Kevin’s first summer job, Wayne and his prom date that he snuck off to Detroit with and he found out she was a junkie and she bailed out of the hotel window. Poor Wayne had to go back home and I thought James and Florida were never going to speak to him again. How can I forget about the time Kevin moved into that basement babysitting those little rascals, they really did put him in charge of their wrongs and their rights. With each article it becomes abundantly clear that their knowledge of the comic world has grown with them throughout the years and I wonder, how long till Paul gets his own column? I’m hoping soon. Oh and Kevin, I really think you should have ended up with Winnie.

BatpodQ: Did you see the Bat-cycle or whatever the hell that thing is from the next Batman movie? I swear, if I didn’t inherently trust that this movie will be fantastic I’d be a little worried about the shoulder pads and the assault bike. Thoughts?

I was worried about the Batmobile from the last movie. Now I’m the exact opposite. Granted the Road Warrior (Mad Max and tag team) shoulder pads are kinda lame. Seriously. We are one step away from having Mecha-Batman, but as far as the cycle goes, I’m sure it’ll come off looking pretty decent and be involved in at least one savage chase scene. And the best thing about it is we don’t have to worry about some kid and a monkey popping out of the trunk…yeah I’m looking at you, Anderson. I swear I saw him driving down the street in a helmet going “vroom vroom” (and when I say driving I mean sitting in a parking garage in a cardboard box with a Jiffy Pop container on his head).

Q: I think some cool news got lost this week in all of the information coming out of Wizard World Philly – Dwayne McDuffie will take over writing Justice League of America following the departure of Brad Meltzer. Mr. McDuffie is of course the guy who oversaw the phenomenal Justice League cartoon. This book will kick major ass. So my question is this: Is the animated Justice League (including Justice League Unlimited) better than the animated Superman & Batman shows? I think it is. Sacrilege, I know.

Can you really compare the two though? You are looking at it from two different levels of appreciation. The Justice League (both of them) cartoons wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for the Superman/Batman cartoons. I think they undoubtedly paved the way to push the envelope to make Justice League what it is/was. If you take all of those cartoons the best out of all four is still that scene from Superman where he holds Darkseid’s eyes while he’s unleashing the Omega effect and blows out the back of his head. This precedes the unedited Batman Begins movie and may have been the first time that I actually yelled “Holy S#%t” at a cartoon. Well that and the first time Elmer Fudd came out of the television and asked me to go hunting with him, though Elmer Fudd looked strangely like my next door neighbor and his idea of “hunting” was sitting on my front lawn barking at me. That’s hunting right?

World War Hulk #1Q: So explain how you have not read World War Hulk Yet. Seriously. It’s so awesome.

I haven’t had a chance to get to the store. That and I’m broke. Well, not really broke, but my P.O. said that if I get caught in my boxers covered in green paint yelling “Hulk Smash” on or around a playground again that she’s gonna violate me and I have a feeling that this would make it that much harder to NOT do that. Actually waking up makes it hard not to do that, but reading World War Hulk wouldn’t help matters. I plan to read it but let me make it through probation first.

Q: And in tragic news – we were sad to learn this week that Die Hard IV is rated “PG-13.” This is especially hard to deal with coming down from the mighty high that was the almost “NC-17″ John Rambo trailer. Why Die Hard? Why would you cut so much glorious violence?

I’m lost on this one. The only thing is that all the critics who say we’ve been so desensitized to violence are right and that “PG-13″ now is what used to pass for “R”. I mean I guess I could go on and on about how we’ll get an uncut DVD version with 20 extra minutes of violence, but just release it in the theaters that way. Is this going to stop me from going opening night? Nope. Is it just me or is that John Rambo trailer like a shot of morphine for all that is right with movie violence? I mean it has everything you could ever want: the shakes, the DT’s, the hallucinations, the fact that you’d sell your sister just for one more…oh yeah probation. So anyway, it’ll be a good film but it’ll be hard to capture the magic that was the original. You can’t even begin to go in with that kind of expectation. So if I am a little disappointed when I leave the theater I will go home, hit up YouTube and go to sleep to the sweet sounds of exploding arrows and Roadhouse style throatectomies. Sure I made that word up but I do it all the time. Probably why it takes me an hour to order food. I still get funny looks when I try to order a McSeacord with extra mayotard.

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