The 10 Most Ridiculous Quotes From That Episode of ‘Hercules’ Where He Fights Dracula
A lot of people have Halloween traditions. Some carve pumpkins, some dress up, but me? I watch syndicated action shows from the ’90s. Usually, I go with the spooky episode of Xena: Warrior Princess that features vampires, a severed head and a level of lesbian subtext that’s pretty high even for that show, but this year I added something new to the tradition: The episode of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys where Hercules fights Dracula.
Seriously: Hercules is called to the kingdom of his old friend Vlad the Impaler, only to discover that it’s a trap set because Vlad wants to drink his blood. Needless to say, it is a monumentally, hilariously dumb 44 minutes of television, but to give you an idea of just howdumb, I’ve pulled out the ten most truly ridiculous pieces of dialogue!
HERCULES: I thought they were a myth.
DARIUS: So that’s where he got the name… Vlad the Impaler!
DARIUS: No one in their right mind would spend the night here!
HERCULES: That’s why we’ll be safe.
VAMPIRE: There’s always one who can’t resist the glitter!
HERCULES: Hungry? Try the STAKE!
VLAD: I… had a friend over for dinner before you arrived.
HERCULES: Hey! That’s my friend you’re suckin’ on!
IOLAUS: Look on the bright side: Now I’ve got Armor Piercing Teeth!
HERCULES: Let’s just say I… stopped for a drink on the way here.
And finally, my absolute favorite moment of the show, and maybe the entire series:
HERCULES: It’s just a little something I picked up while… trotting the globe.
If you’d like to add Hercules, the hero of Ancient Greece and his battle against Vlad the Impaler (1431–1476) to your Spooktoberfest Scareabrations, it’s streaming on Netflix. Happy Halloween, everyone!