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The Hulk Responds to the Disney/Marvel Merger

ComicsAlliance recently received a statement from The Incredible Hulk regarding the Disney/Marvel merger.

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Dear Puny Fans,

Hulk just want to say he completely on board with Mouse House buying “House Hulk Built.” (What? Hulk wrong?) Puny Banner and Puny Stan Lee tell Hulk not worry, Disney not make Hulk play drums in teenybopper band with Vanessa Hudgens. Hulk understand it just business — ARRGHHH! HULK SMASH MARVEL CEO IKE PERLMUTTER! Seriously? Disney? What, Marvel not selling enough Spidey bedsheets at Wal-Mart? Have to sell out to McDonald’s of pop culture? Hulk so angry right now, and Hulk been told people generally not like Hulk when he angry.

Okay. Hulk simmer down. Think of Betty. Maybe it not so bad. Hulk enjoy drawings of Goofy as Wolverine. (First five times he saw it anyway.) But he not going to be laughing once Punisher pacifiers fill stores and Dr. Strange join cast of “Wizards of Waverly Place”! (Don’t tell Hulk him being on Defenders is any worse.) HULK SMASH DISNEY CHANNEL ORIGINAL PROGRAMMING!

Look, Hulk is realist. Hulk knows humble multimedia entertainment company not hope to survive in today’s topsy-turvy economy. But Hulk not star in terrible Ang Lee movie, and so-so movie with guy from “Keeping the Faith,” just to have Disney team him with The Rock for family buddy comedy. Disney ruin everything Hulk love! They probably not even bother to get Paul Reubens to voice ship in upcoming “Flight of the Navigator” remake!

Yes, Hulk realize prospect of Pixar/Marvel team-up as exciting as first time Hulk pummeled Thing into puny, orange pulp. And maybe Marvel cartoons actually be good now, and not dumb junk like “Next Avengers.” But is worth it when poor Dazzler is forced to dance can-can on Disney Cruise Line for overweight tourists?

Hulk done so much for Marvel. He dumb, he smart, he Vegas enforcer, he red for some reason. Is it too much to ask he not have to live out golden years in Celebration, Florida? HULK HATE CREEPY CELEBRATION FLORIDA!

Well, Hulk guess it could be worse. At least he not Howard the Duck. That guy royally screwed.

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