Sexy Iron Man Suits And Beards Prove That Marketing Is The Devil

So, holy crap. This can't be real, right? Because, quite frankly, I'll throw myself off of the roof (no I won't) if these "Iron Man 2" costumes are real.

If it wasn't official before, it is now. The sexy costume craze from Costume Craze has gone too far. It was bad enough that we had to deal with their sultry Raphael and Wolverine outfits, but now they're giving that same treatment to Iron Man? Madness, I say. Madness! Editors note: The in-movie "Ironettes" dancers are still no excuse! They're supposed to be funny!

(Although, I suppose I could get some use out of a fake Tony Stark goatee. I grow the bulk of my facial hair on my neck, you see. I call it a neard.)

Look. "Iron Man 2" is going to make a ton of money. The first movie performed fantastically, deservedly so, and the sequel looks like it's just as good if not better. Is it really necessary to go hog wild and mass produce Tony beards and Whiplash torso suits? Do we really need the kid from "Disney's The Kid" modeling the baby Iron Man armor?

The answer, unfortunately, is yes. If we have to pay this price so we can get high quality comic book movies, then it's a price I'm willing to pay. I won't pay it gladly, and I certainly won't pay Costume Craze a cent, but I'm willing to coexist in the same world as these costumes.

Or maybe I'll just go jump off the roof like I said I would. See the full array of madness after the jump...