Kieran Gormley’s Meat Sculptures Of Comic Book And Video Game Icons Are Awesome, Edible, Absolutely Terrifying
Some artists work in pencil and ink, some work in clay and marble, and some -- perhaps the best -- work in airbrush on the sides of custom vans. Seattle's Kieran Gormley, on the other hand, works in meat, in a couple of ways. Not only is he the guy in charge of selling tasty beef and pork at Seattle's Uwajimaya market, he's also taken to sculpting pop culture characters out of the flesh of dead animals.
And guess what: It's horrifying! I mean, don't get me wrong, it's also pretty awesome, but once you get it in your head that you're looking at a skinless Sonic the Hedgehog or a faceless ground beef Mega Man, it might start to creep you out. Or make you hungry. Or both. See for yourself below!
As in all things, we start with #001: Bulbasaur:
Maybe those creepy feelings about the sculpture being made of meat, when Bulbasaur is, of course, a grass type Pokémon, which prompts a whole lot of questions about just what that means. No word on whether or not the ground meat version is also of the Poison type, but... I think I'll pass on eating it, just in case.
Skipping ahead in the 'dex a little bit here's #025: Pikachu:
Again, this is a pretty great rendition of Pikachu, but it also kind of looks like Team Rocket finally got sick of trying to capture Pikachu and settled for flaying him alive. But don't worry...
Ash got his revenge.
I will say, though, those beef-and-onion Pokéballs look darned delicious.
Keeping the video game theme, here's Mega Man and Cut Man:
I think the logical explanation for this is that we finally know what power you get from beating Guts Man.
You know, because.. guts? Meat? Meat is like the guts of a cow? Kind of? Look, they can't all be gems. Let's just move on.
While we're on the subject of people who have guns for arms, here's Metroid's Samus Aran and one of the eponymous space-beasties:
I don't normally truck in video game rumors, but I have it on good authority that these aren't photos from the meat section of Uwajimaya, they're actually shots of the new design for Samus from the upcoming Smash Bros. game on Wii U. You know how Kirby: Epic Yarn used string for the aesthetic? The new game's going to be like that, just... meatier.
Along the same lines, here are Gannon and Link from The Legend of Zelda:
I think the best thing about these is that Gormley opted to make Link out of ground pork. You know, because now he's a... sausage Link? Get it? Get it -- okay! Jeez, no need to throw anything. I'll stop.
Here's Sonic the Hedgehog and his pal Tails:
There are already eighty-three stories explaining how this happened up on Fanfiction.net. I would not recommend any of them.
Moving away from video games, here's Star Trek's famous starship, Enterprise:
Probably best to eat this relatively soon rather than waiting until the end of a five-year mission. Although now that I think of it, the cold depths of space would probably be ideal for preserving one's perishables.
Here's Goku from DragonBall Z:
I've got a joke about how many calories are in this much ground beef, but... look, you all know what it was going to be. We can just move on, right? Right.
You know, I started this whole thing being a little freaked out, but after seeing these, it's not so much creepy as it is impressive. There's a lot of care, creativity and a great sense of humor put into these, and it's the kind of thing I'd look forward to seeing every time I dropped by my grocery store. It's actually not that scary at all.
Oh no, wait, here's a skinless arm clutching a knife.
For more, check out Gormley's website, Epic Grinds! (Please note that this refers to grinding the meat into shapes, not to any radical skateboard tricks involving rails.)