Lucifer Schmucifer: ‘Lucifer’ Trailer Reveals Yet Another Procedural Show

Lucifer, Fox's adaptation of the Vertigo Comics series by Mike Carey and Peter Gross, has a first look trailer, and that trailer is trash. You know how, when you go to the bathroom at a club, sometimes you might step on some toilet paper, so upon return to the club you have a trailer?

Lucifer has a trailer.

It looks bad. I don’t like it. I haven’t read every issue of the original comics, but I’d wager that’s a blessing; much like iZombie, this series looks to have sacrificed most of what made it vivid in the name of providing yet. another. procedural. Cop and wacky sidekick? What’s the new angle? Oh, he’s literally the devil. I coulda just watched The Collector.

Turn down the sound and this trailer is irritating and remarkably lengthy. Tom Ellis (that awful boyfriend off Miranda — I knew he was shady) is clearly from the Martin Freeman school of bobble-head acting, and if you need more than just a British man saying, “Weeell---” before you can call yourself satisfied... weeell, look somewhere else.

If you’re not up for patriarchal judgement trips, (maybe it’s obvious, but) this story about the angel cast down from heaven, Lucifer Morningstar, is also not for you. Jokes about roofies! Finger-wagging about topless selfies! If that’s all that Satan has for us, his time as king of hell has clearly passed. That nonsense is on every street and every screen already. Does the devil want to make us tired?

If you want a show about the impracticality of immortality, go for Highlander: the Series. If you’re after lady cop + solid-looking, regular-featured white man, you have Castle.

If you want original, you don’t want Lucifer. If you want a big familiar bag o'bull with mysteries of the week and dudes with CGI wings built in? My friend, lemme tell you just how you can pay for that…