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Inspired by Mark Millar’s ‘Nemesis’ ComicsAlliance Asks: What If?

Nemesis” week is finally here! The latest creator-owned title from writer Mark Millar and artist Steve McNiven hit the stands yesterday, and if the ad campaign has anything to say about it, it’s going to be big! “Civil War” big! “Old Man Logan” big! One of the reasons Millar has found such consistent success is his drive to ask the tough questions. What would happen if there were real-life superheroes? What if all the villains teamed up and killed all the heroes? What if all the villains teamed up and killed all the heroes in the Marvel Universe this time? A similar question is the one that guides “Nemesis”: What if Batman was the Joker?

If you promptly picked the book up yesterday, you may already know the answer. But Comics Alliance likes to ask itself tough questions as well, and one in particular kept gnawing at us…

Why hasn’t anybody parodied this?
What if Wonder Woman was Gorilla Grodd?

Life was never easy for Princess Koko Silvermane. As the fourteenth matriarch of All-Female Gorilla Island, she has been burdened with the responsibility of running the technocracy since youth. Dozens of years ago, an advanced alien race imbued a tiny island’s ape population with super-intelligence and various mental powers. When the aliens finally came down from the goofy high that oxygen induces in their species, they realized the horror of their mistake, took all the male apes back to their homeworld to serve as bouncers, waiters, and hotel clerks, and hoped that, unable to reproduce, the super-apes would eventually die off. IN VAIN. Now is the time of Koko’s metriculation, and she is to be sent as emissary to the outside world and teach them the joys of social grooming. By any. Means. Necessary.

What if Nick Fury was Deathstroke?

Slade Fury knows it’s a cold, hard world. All too well. After losing one eye in World War II, gaining an extended life and superhuman strength through military experiments, then losing the second eye in Vietnam, Fury became the world’s most-successful disabled assassin-for-hire. With the help of his mute spotter “Dumb-Dumb” Dugan, Slade always gets his target. Eventually. With lots of bullets sprayed in several directions, thousands in collateral damage, and hundreds of needless innocents mowed down, including women, children, and pets. Don’t tell him what he can’t do.

What if The Punisher was The Kingpin?

After returning from combat, a young veteran sees his family killed in a mob crossfire right before his eyes. He vows to wage an eternal war on organized crime, killing every mafioso he can get his hands on. What’s the best way to get to said mafiosi? From the inside. He joins the mob, works his way up through the ranks, and in due time reign over all organized crime from atop his throne – the perfect place from which to strike. After all these years, his plan has finally come to fruition and he can finally begin his crusade of blood. Ruler of the underworld by day, scourge by night, he is…the Punkingpinisher.

What if Robin was Gay?

No difference.

What if Iron Man was Magneto?

As a child genius and heir to his family’s munitions fortune, Magnus Stark builds an iron warsuit to impress his famous father, who Howard Hughes once referred to as “creepy.” After months of secretive work with the assistance of a kindly old Pan-Asiatic man, Stark dons the suit and flies to his father’s mansion, where his family has been taken hostage by Nazis who plan to ransom them the suit’s plans. Just as he’s ready to hand over his designs, his latent mutant power manifests, flinging chunks of armor at breakneck speeds with no control. Within seconds, the Nazis, Stark’s parents, and the old Asian dude are dead. Stark snaps and dedicates the rest of his life to inflicting terror on the world with his custom-made iron armor and the ability to magnetically propel any part of it in the general direction of whoever is pissing him off. Beware his gauntlets and chestplate, but always be on the lookout for the codpiece.

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