“Planet X” — Best of the Star Trek/X-Men Crossover Novel
Back in 1998, a momentous team-up took place for the X-Men… when they crossed over with Star Trek: The Next Generation in an official novel called “Planet X.” Granted, this isn’t the first time the two worlds have collided, but “Planet X” is special to me — not just because it features characters from two of my favorite franchises interacting, but because it is really, really bad. Like, fanfiction bad. I’ve put together excerpts of my favorite passages in anticipation of the upcoming Star Trek movie (now at 98% on Rotten Tomatoes!) as a study in contrast:
Picard, who met Storm back in “Second Contact,” is really, really glad — like, slash glad — to see her:
Storm grunted softly. “No doubt, you were surprised to hear from us.”
“I was,” the captain agreed. “Though to be honest, I have often found myself thinking about you.” He realized how that must have sounded and felt his cheeks flush. It was not a pleasant sensation. “That is,” he added quickly, “about your group. To be honest, I had never encountered anyone quite like you.”
Aaaand suddenly the Enterprise turns into junior high school:
Storm digested the remark. “Leaders seldom enjoy stable relationships. It is one of the burdens one must bear when one assumes responsibility for the lives of others.”
“So I learned,” the captain responded. “Except…” she said. He looked at her. “Except?” Storm returned his scrutiny for what seemed like a long time. At last, she shook her head. “Nothing,” she told him at last.
More after the jump!After Dr. Crusher finds techno-organics in his blood, Angel admits the retcon of his metal wings was kind of crap:
“Those represent traces of techno-organic material.” Crusher frowned. “They remind me of something I’ve seen before — in a cybernetically enhanced species called the Borg.” The mutant shrugged. … “Some time ago, I was captured by a creep named Apocalypse. He severed my natural wings — if you can call having wings ‘natural’ — and replaced them with razor-edged, techno-organic equivalents. … Recently,” the mutant continued, “it turned out the techno-organics were some kind of shell — a way to protect my real wings until they could grow back. But if you ask me what Apocalypse gained by amputating my wings and then helping them grow again, I’d have a tough time giving you an answer.”
Guess which famous creators make cameo appearances as red shirts?
Cursing under his breath, Worf took aim and returned the Draa’kon’s fire. Kirby and Ditko, the surviving security officers, followed suit… As Archangel forced the enemy to turn and deal with him, the Klingon took down another Draa’kon with his phaser. A beam from Kirby sent another one slamming into a bulkhead, and Ditko dispatched one as well.
Patrick Stewart, Meet Patrick Stewart:
“Dr. Crusher,” Xavier said, his voice calm and commanding at the same time. “I’ve been wondering when you would return.” Then he turned his gaze on the captain, and a flicker of something like amusement crossed his features. Nor was it difficult for Picard to see why. As the doctor had warned him, he and the professor bore a passing resemblace to one another… “Mon semblable, mon frere,” the professor said.
Picard and Storm: The Final Cop-Out:
“When you first came aboard,” he said, “We had a conversation. We were talking about the demands of leadership… But you also seemed on the verge of mentioning an exception to that rule. I cannot help but wonder…” Storm gazed into his eyes. “Are you certain you want me to answer that question? To answer it even as I am leaving, most likely never to see you again?” Picard considered the wisdom in what she was saying. He took a breath, then let it out. “Perhaps not,” he said softly.