The only thing worse than the Littleton Fire Rescue department's Safety Spidey cable access video is Julie Taymor and U2's Spider-Man musical, Turn Off the Dark. While no new injuries were reported throughout the entire month of January, the production remains best known for its ability to bruise, concuss, break or otherwise maim anyone within six blocks of the Foxwoods Theatre in New York. As such, it was surprising to us that stunt performer Christopher Tierny -- who suffered four broken ribs, three fractured vertebrae, a fractured scapula, a fractured elbow, and a fracture to the back of his skull as consequences of a single rigging error - chose not to pursue any legal action against the producers of Turn Off the Dark. The writers of Saturday Night Live seem to feel similarly, as made plain in a new litigation-heavy sketch that aired over the weekend.In the clip, which parodies the cheap injury attorney commercials seen all over the United States, an attorney representing the fictional firm of Gublin and Green (GET IT?) informs Turn Off the Dark actors and audience members that if they've been affected by the musical in any way, they are entitled to compensation. Causes for litigation are numerous and include everything from physical injury to offense at the assault on Spider-Man's legacy to simply having to contemplate the show's astonishingly bad title. Unfortunately, the form that compensation takes leaves much to be desired.

[Via Newsarama]