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Insane Spider-Man ‘Adventure Heroes’ Toys Go Golfing, Bowling, Slam Dunking

Here at ComicsAlliance, we have no shortage of love for the “eccentricities” of bootleg merchandise, but occasionally, the lines between the unlicensed and the legit can get so blurred that it really doesn’t matter anymore. Such is the case with the infamous “Spider-Man Adventure Heroes” line of action figures put out by Toy Biz, in which your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man was shown to totally give up on crime-fighting and instead go on safari or enjoy professional sports.

The theme spilled over into the shady (and often hilarious) world of bootleg toys, but this is actually the one case where the knockoff and the genuine article are equally ridiculous. Just check out the version of Golf Spidey captured by CollectionDX.com on the left.

Aside from the fact that that is clearly Spider-Man’s head stuck on a torso belonging to former WWE Champion Mick “Mankind” Foley (and given a sweet baseball cap), there is nothing about this figure that doesn’t fit right in with the actual line. Much like the infamous statuettes of Jesus playing tackle football, these things are hilarious just by virtue of existing, so check out a whole slew of Adventure Hero weirdness (legit and otherwise) after the jump!There are plenty of sports you’d think Spider-Man would excel at (especially Parkour) but bowling?

Maybe Spider-Sense could warn him that he was about to make a 7-10 Split. Also, this is another example of a Mankind body obviously being used despite the fact that neckties are both an unnecessary hindrance and not a regulation part of the PBA’s competition-legal attire. Get with the friggin’ program here, Bootleggers.

Even so, I have to admit that putting Spider-Man’s head on Mankind’s body makes for an interesting visual. Some of these, however, are just totally phoning it in:

Seriously, guys? You just dropped Spider-Man onto a Tech Deck, and the only addition was a lemon yellow visor? Admittedly, I haven’t flipped through a CCS catalog since 12th grade, but are visors something skaters are into these days? The least you could’ve done was throw in a tiny little Minor Threat shirt.

The interesting thing about the bootleg packaging is that it also advertises the real line, and you can tell which are which because the production values on both the figures and the photographs is way better:

See? Backgrounds. As to the figure itself, it’s nice to see Spidey from that short-lived run where he got Metsmerized:

My favorite, though, is this:

There is nothing about this figure that is not amazing, from Spidey totally rocking a pair of Air Jordans to the fact that his basketball is designed to look like his own head. How, in the name of all that is Good and Holy in this world, has “Marvel Team-Up Starring Spider-Man and the Harlem Globetrotters” never happened? Call me, Marvel.

Of course, just because the figures were legitimate doesn’t mean they were good ideas:

Again, the webbed-up cleats are a nice touch, but the rest of the figure… just… no. The oversaturated colors of the bootleg packaging might lead you to believe that Spidey’s wearing red tights here (one of the recurring themes of the line was that Spider-Man had his full costume on underneath, say, an entire Firefighter uniform), but as a picture from I-Mockery’s Stupid Toys reveals…

…those legs are 100% Peter Parker.

Spider-Man in booty shorts, everybody. Truly, he is an Adventure Hero.

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