The Superhero SkyMall Catalog Offers Mile High Super-Shopping
Since superpeople spend a vast majority of their time trying to conquer and/or save the world, they sure don’t seem to have a lot of hours in the day to go shopping for life-enhancing novelties. You may find yourself wondering how these exceptional men and women manage to do it all. After all, there’s no way the Punisher can run around shooting people all day and maintain a tomato garden. It’s just not possible!
It is, in fact, possible and there’s one simple thing that makes it all happen. It’s not cosmic, it’s not magic, it’s not even super-science. We here at ComicsAlliance want to let you in on a little secret. There are purchases that take place in between the panels of your favorite superhero comics that nobody ever tells you about, and they all happen at the same place.
That’s right, friends. The superpeople all shop at the SkyMall.
Bat-plane? Got it.
Blackbird? You know it.
Quinjet? Of course.
Wonder Woman has an invisible copy (this explains the jacket, by the way).
EVA keeps one hidden in one of her membranes somewhere; where do you think Fantomex gets all of his cool toys?
We were lucky enough to get our hands on a copy of this unique publication (meaning that Assistant Editor Caleb Goellner went Photoshoppin’ again), and we’re delighted to present you with an exclusive look at some of the more popular products from the Superhero SkyMall catalog!
The Cross-Country Krypto Carrier
Superman is probably going to want some canine companionship as he walks across the country, but let’s assume that Krypto just doesn’t feel like walking or flying. That’s where this handy piece of luggage comes in! There are plenty of pockets for toys and food for the dog, and plenty of room for Superman to store some cash, since we all know he has some problems with that. The Krypto Carrier is also designed with the specific intent of reminding Superman what it’s like to roll his luggage behind him like the rest of us lowly humans.
The Litter-free Red Lantern System
Dex-Starr has had a pretty rough life, and we’re not entirely sure if he was every properly litter-trained. Now that he’s flying though space, vomiting blood and committing murders, he probably won’t have a lot of time to hit up a box of gravel. That’s why cute lil’ Dex is such a fan of this product, because now he can go to the restroom with all of the big boy Cat Lanterns.
The Wine Glass with Class, by Stark Industries
Even though Tony Stark is on the wagon these days, he still knows how to party. This wine necklace allows Stark to keep a drink handy for others during shindigs while keeping his hands free for repulsor raying villains and wooing the ladies.
Sometimes Batman needs to do a little bit of multitasking and take care of Wayne Enterprises business while he’s in the midst of fighting crime. When he does, he sets up this convenient portable office in the passenger seat. Usually this item comes with a warning advising customers against working at the desk while driving, but this is Batman we’re talking about here. If he can’t multitask, we’re all doomed.
The feline Avenger may be covered with a nice layer of fur, but there are limits! Greer Nelson is proud to lend her name to this unique product. which was designed for heroes with “greater follicular endowments”. It’s the perfect tool for maintain your coat of heroic hair while letting the world know that you care enough to not look 100 percent feral on the job.
You shouldn’t be surprised to learn that DC’s plant elemental tends to get lonely in his swamp, but ST tries to keep things light with some decorations for his marshy abode! It’s pretty easy to get depressed when you realize that you’re just a plant imitating a dead guy, but it’s impossible to be sad for long when you’ve got a unicorn statue, gnomes and some synthetic meerkats hanging around!