Given that superhero comics tend to be about beautiful people in skin-tight outfits engaging in rigorous physical activity, it’s only natural that there’s often a strong sexual undercurrent to their adventures, and every now and then, it bubbles up to the surface.
While it’s entirely possible for super-hero sex to be shown as a completely natural part of their lives, given the larger-than-life nature of the stories, the subject is often handled with all the subtlety of… well, of super-hero comics in general. That’s why today, ComicsAlliance brings you five fetishistic uses of super-powers that put a toe over the line into sexual strangeness — and then kept on running until “sexy” was a distant memory.
#5: Plastic Man
I think it’s safe to say that wanting to see a sexy lady in a skin-tight outfit is perfectly normal. Wanting to be that skin-tight outfit and going so far as to transform yourself into a curve-hugging evening gown and hiding in the woman’s closet waiting for her to slip into something a little more accessible, however, takes Plastic Man to the level of someone you just don’t want to be alone with, like a registered sex offender or a congressman. Especially when you’re supposed to be using those powers to save the world from evil mind-reading super-powered aliens.
Seriously, Plas: You got off light on this one:
There are two things, though, that make it even weirder than it already is: For one, that’s not a bad-looking dress, which means that Plastic Man’s either one of the most gifted fashion designers of our time, or (the more likely possibility), this is not his first trip to the rodeo. He has totally done this before.
Second, and even more creepy, given that Plastic Man’s face and hands aren’t visible from the outside, that means that they’re in the interior of the dress. Good luck trying to ever feel clean again after that mental image.
I’ve mentioned this before on ComicsAlliance, but in the vast section of his “Original Encyclopedia of Comic Book Heroes,” Michael Fleisher writes one of my favorite sentences of all time: “Action Comics No. 306 suggests that Superman can perform feats of lovemaking of which an ordinary man would be quite incapable.”The incident in question takes place at the Daily Planet Christmas Party, where Clark Kent’s response to Lois loudly complaining about having to kiss him under the mistletoe (a nice little example of public emasculation that goes a long way towards explaining why Superman tried so hard to get out of marrying her every other month) is to give that “minx” a “Super-Kiss.”
It’s worth noting here that Jimmy Olsen is totally stoked
about his bro gettin’ his mack on, and really, wouldn’t you be? Lois is left flushed, dizzy, unable to stand up, and moaning. Guys… Superman just gave her an orgasm in front of her coworkers by kissing her
. And I’m not even sure if he slipped her the tongue. That’s talent.
#3. Stacy X
There’s no shame in being one of the third-string X-Men. It’s just a natural function of being part of a huge cast that makes up a massive comics franchise, because really: not everybody can be Wolverine, and somebody’sgotta be Marrow. Stacy X, however… yeah, there’s probably some shame there, what with the fact that she’s a mutant prostitute and all.Created in 2001 (almost a year before Garth Ennis and Amanda Conner pretty much defined the super-hooker with “The Pro”), Stacy X first came to the attention of the X-Men while working at the X-Ranch, a mutant-powered brothel in Nevada, where she used her powers to deliver mind-blowing orgasms to clients for cash. A humble origin, yes, but when you think about it, it’s not exactly worse than being a mass-murdering government killing machine.The problem is that Stacy never really gave up on being a prostitute, even while she was on the X-Men, offering herself (well, her powers) up to pretty much anybody with fifty bucks, be it a fellow X-Man, someone she met on the street, Daily Bugle reporter Sally Floyd, or even the Blob. The Blob, you guys. Eventually she announced she was quitting the team via — no joke — a video of herself jumping rope naked.
Additionally, her Wikipedia entry goes back and forth between hilarity and abject depression like no other character I’ve seen:
She also proved to be a highly skilled fighter, even giving Wolverine a proper workout.
Soon after being rescued by the X-Men from the X-Ranch, Stacy stayed at the Institute, but took some time off after “servicing” a special client in Chappaqua, NY. Wolverine tracked her down and fought with her, but soon the two came to an understanding.
While she was a prostitute when she had her powers, she never actually slept with anyone for money, relying on her pheromone powers. Since she lost her powers, this has apparently changed.
We’ve talked about Starfox and his powers
before, but the short version is that Eros of Titan — who got the name “Starfox” from the Wasp because he is a foxy dude from the stars — has the power to make you really horny. Seriously.
It’s generally referred to as a euphoria-inducing power, but he also has the ability to make someone infatuated with him with a touch, and coupled with the fact that he’s a natural handsome and charismatic guy with a pretty open attitude to sex, it’s led to some pretty awkward moments that came to a head when he was put on trial for sexual assault in the pages of “She-Hulk.”
It wasn’t just his string of one-night stands that got him in trouble, though: His powers also had a profound effect on the life of Elliot Kohl, former agent of Hydra:
So let this be a lesson, kids: Don’t join terrorist organizations that fight Captain America, or you too will have your sexual identity rearranged by a dude in a red and white unitard.
#1. Hank Pym and Janet Van Dyne
Powers: Shrinking and Growing
The Apache Chief episode of “Harvey Birdman” may have made the relationship between growth powers and sex as clear as it could possibly be while still being a metaphor, but “Avengers” #71 put a whole new spin on Pym Particles by showing us a pretty explicit (for Marvel, anyway) look at the sex life of Yellowjacket and the Wasp, where they re-enact a scene from Colleen Coover’s decidedly pornographic “Small Favors.”The gist of the scene is that Hank shrinks down to explore her ladyflower and climb all over her breasts in what has to be comics’ most well-known literalization of a John Mayer song
. It’s not the only weird thing in the book — the page actually opens with a sequence designed to make you think that Hank might be smacking Jan around again until her moans and “no mores” are revealed to be the result of shrinky sexy time — but it is
what got the issue treated as a Mature Readers comic and
got the page excised from both the paperback and digital versions of the issue.All things considered, it’s not as bad as some of the things on this list — it’s consensual for one thing, and, well, if you
could shrink down, you’d probably try it too — but it’s also a tiny little man crawling soaking wet out of a woman’s vagina, right there in the opening scene of an Avengers book, so it’s understandable that it might’ve come off as 2 Hot 4 Marvel