Magnetic ‘Superman’s Underwear’ Advertised as Penis Enlarger and STD Cure in Malaysia
A Malaysian suburb has been made filthy with flyers advertising a sexual aid that will cure men of not only impotence but also sexually transmitted diseases using magnets, positive ions, negative ions, antiseptics, infra-red… something, as well as something called “the Light of Life.” The product is called Dalam Superman — “Superman’s Underwear” in English — and does indeed take the form of a pair of briefs. As has been theorized by a few people already, it would appear we have discovered what happened to Superman’s iconic trunks in the wake of DC Comics’ New 52.
The ads were plastered around the suburb of Tampoi in Johor Baru, capital city of the Johor state in Malaysia. I was privileged to visit Johor Baru on several occasions when I lived in the region for many years, and I can tell you without any doubt that the appearance of these “Superman’s Underwear” advertisements would very much disquiet the conservative population — not just because of the overtly sexual and immodest nature of the product, but also because it is plainly dishonest to fans of the Man of Steel.
“For me this could cause a bad influence among the community,” said area man Mohd Ilham Samudin, who The New Straits Times described as “shocked” by the ads. “Superman fans, especially the men, could be duped into spending thousands of ringgit [Malaysian currency] to buy the product with the assumption that they could gain special powers by wearing them.”
Indeed, ranging in price from US$350 to US$900, the Superman’s Underwear product would from all appearances seem to be a scam. The product website explains the technology thusly (please allow for some small measure of inaccuracy per Google’s translation matrix):
1) MAGNET DESIGN SPECIAL
Rehabilitate and restore the magnetism in the body, anti-aging and reduce blood cholesterol.
2) FAR INFRA RED (FAR INFRA RED – FIR)
Powerful anti-septic (Sterilization), detoxifies the blood, diluting LDL (bad cholesterol soluble), relieves the muscles and joints.
3) NEGATIVE IONS
Detoxifies and purifies the blood and balancing acidity and salinity (pH) of blood in the body and also to strengthen the body’s immune.
4) SILVER ION & ION silver
Acting as an agent sterilization and disinfection (penyahbakteria). High level disinfection of up to 99.99%.
5) spots TOURMALIN
Also called ‘Stone mines Cures “can emit a light that is known as the” Light of Life “which consists of infrared with about 4-14 micro-wave length and capable of producing” Air Bervitamin “consisting of negative ions.
Would-be customers are meant to believe that these implements — which would seem to have quite a lot to do with Superman, actually — can actually alleviate symptoms such as…
1. Erectile dysfunction
2. Less energy when together
3. Quick climax
4. Less tense
5. Less passionate
6. Frequent urination at night
7. Penis is not big enough
8. Penis continued to languish after with his wife
9. Not able to survive long
10. Lack of enthusiasm
11. Often tired
12. Trouble sleeping
13. Suffering from venereal disease
… and grant afflicted men with great powers and abilities such as:
1. Spiritual energy is strong
2. Energized when the joint
3. May last longer
5. Bigger penis
6. Harder penis
7. Able to handle multiple positions
8. Able to have sexual intercourse regularly
9. Always ready
10. Not tired
11. Of sleep
12. Treating sexually transmitted diseases – kill germs around three men in terms of gold and strengthen the waist.
Obviously, Superman fans, this is all non-continuity. Furthermore, despite the manufacturer’s claims that this product comes from “Duroil Inner Energy Massage – the United States in California, USA,” it is most likely not licensed by DC Comics or its parent company Warner Bros. And if promoting unlicensed, non-canonical material wasn’t enough, the distributor was not even authorized by the city to litter Johor with the Man of Steel’s iconic emblem. Public relations officer Mohd Firdaus Abdul Hamid told The New Straits Times that an investigation by the Johor Baru City Council confirmed no such permission was given, and that he “would like to remind the distributor to stop what they are doing as they can be compounded for vandalism.”
Despite the municipal warnings and the fact that this seems like a really dangerous thing to place so close to one’s genitals, the “Superman’s Underwear” product has earned glowing testimonials from customers. “I have received SDS after two days to make payments as promised. Direct use is comfortable and unusual. To buy and sell wives to husbands, you are profit!!: lol:” is just one of the happy messages left on the website, which we urge you to visit more or less immediately.
It was during my time in this part of Southeast Asia that I became a devoted fan of American superhero comics. As such, I have for many years admired with almost religious devotion the man who possesses the Singaporean identification card posted below, which some of you will recognize from its many travels around the Internet. Because Singapore is but a commuter’s drive away from Johor, I say without even the smallest bit of hyperbole that it is my greatest wish that this person is somehow behind the “Superman’s Underwear” scandal, and that he is becoming wealthy beyond his wildest dreams: