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Bizarro Back Issues

Bizarro Back Issues: The True Meaning Of Christmas (2009)

Batman: The Brave and the Bold #12, DC Comics

Listen, I don't want to get up on a soap box here, because that's not what ComicsAlliance is about, but there's something that really bothers me at this time of year. I've read a lot of holiday comics, and very, very few of them even touch on the true meaning of Christmas. Sure, there's a lot about the spirit of giving and being a good person, but that's the kind of stuff that superhero comics are always about anyway. There's something more behind Christmas, something eternal, something that a lot of people want to ignore for the sake of being "inclusive" or whatever nonsense reasons they have this year.

I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but let's be real: There's a reason we have Christmas, and it's time we acknowledge that. And that reason is that Batman reversed time to stop the Earth from being blown up by antimatter.

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Bizarro Back Issues: Santa Claus, Santa Claus, You Are Much Too Fat (1946)

Superman #105, DC Comics

There are very few things I love in this world more than a story where a superhero teams up with Santa Claus to save Christmas. I mean, I love Christmas comics in general, but the ones where the Jolly Old Saint himself shows up are always just a little bit more special, especially when the hero in question is Superman. If I was in charge, you'd see Santa Claus literally every time there was a comic set at the Fortress of Solitude, because really, the North Pole has exactly three residents, and who else are they going to hang out with? But I digress.

My point is, Superman/Santa Claus team-ups are great, even when they're weird -- and folks, they do get weird. Take, for example, one of Superman's earliest team-ups with St. Nicholas, wherein they have to battle against the evil machinations of a dude who hates Christmas so much that he makes Santa Claus even fatter than he already was, and Superman has to help him lose weight.

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Bizarro Back Issues: Here’s That Joker-Batman Team-Up To Solve The Penguin’s Murder You’ve Always Wanted (1982)

Brave and the Bold #191, DC Comics

A couple weeks ago when I was writing about why the Penguin has never been one of my favorite Batman villains, I mentioned one of my earliest favorite comics: An issue of The Brave and the Bold that was nominally a Penguin story, but was more focused on the Joker. The main point then was that the Penguin was kind of a bit player even in one of his own stories, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought that there might be some subtle nuances to this story that would be worth a closer examination.

There aren't. I mean, it's a mid-80s issue of Brave and the Bold, and those things are about as subtle as a brick upside the head. But it is a pretty great issue, and as an added bonus, it features a handy guide to everything you should not do if you're running a business in Gotham City.

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Bizarro Back Issues: Captain Marvel In The Horror Hunt! (1953)

Captain Marvel Adventures 143

After a long month of obsessing over various spooks, ghouls and haints, it is finally Halloweek -- which basically means that next Monday, I start thinking about Christmas. But before I do, I wanted to make sure that I gave you a glimpse of the ultimate in harrowing horror. A story designed to chill you to the bone, to bring the fear of the dark back into your life, to remind you that there are things out there, unknowable and unstoppable, waiting for you. It would have to be a story with not one monster, not two, not even three, but five unstoppable terrors that could fill even the world's mightiest mortal with fear.

And, you know, it would also be nice if at least one of those monsters got punched in the face with a windmill while we were at it. Fortunately, I found one that fits the bill, just in time for our final trick-or-treat!

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Bizarro Back Issues: The Blood-Stalkers Of Count Dracula! (1974)

Tomb of Dracula #25, Marvel Comics

I know that we all love the Great Pumpkin, but if you ask me, Dracula is the Santa Claus of Halloween. I don't know what your family traditions are, but I always like to imagine the Lord of the Undead flying through the night of October 31, dragging bad children off to the depths of Castlevania and bringing the good children feasts of blood. It's... probably a good thing that I don't have children of my own.

Anyway, the point is that at this time of year, I'm even more into Dracula than usual, and I spend a pretty good amount of time diving back into comics featuring the King of All Vampires and looking for the best stories -- and there aren't a whole lot better than "Night of the Blood-Stalker."

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Bizarro Back Issues: Pocket-Sized Dracula Wants To Drink Your Blood (1991)

MIMP01

For eleven months out of the year, I can take or leave horror comics. Unless it's something exceptional like Hellboy or Tomb of Dracula, they don't tend to be things that I actively seek out, Until, that is, September becomes October and the scent of pumpkin spiced coffee is on the air, at which time I promptly start scrambling like a lunatic to find as many comics about ghosts, mummies and miscellaneous tentacled horrors that I can fit into the next 31 days.

Sometimes, every now and then, that search through quarter bins brings me something amazing, like a comic where creators like Dwayne McDuffie, Ernie Colon and Gil Kane told the story of a war raging in Hell itself between every single monster from the Lord of the Vampires to Baba Yaga over who would have the right to destroy humankind once and for all. And sometimes, that story turns out to be the comic book version of Monster In My Pocket.

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Bizarro Back Issues: The X-Men, Pizza And Cyberspace, Together At Last (1993)

Hut01

When you consider that I'm spending a good portion of every week recapping the '90s X-Men cartoon, you might think that I'd have my fill of '90s mutant nostalgia, but that is definitely not the case. If anything, going back through that show has made me want to go back and revisit that stuff even more. That's why I went out a few days ago and grabbed one of the most treasured artifacts of my childhood: the four-part X-Men Collector's Edition comics released in 1993 and sold at Pizza Hut.

Seriously, you guys. There was a time in this country when you could go out and get a pizza and comic books about the X-Men jacking into cyberspace in the same building. If we want to make America great again, I suggest we start there.

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Bizarro Back Issues: Here Comes The New Kamen Rider! (1972)

Rider01

The first thing you need to know about Shotaro Ishinomori's Kamen Rider is that it is friggin' bonkers.

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Bizarro Back Issues: Superman Against The Class Of 1962! (1962)

ToughTeens01

You know that movie, Class of 1984? If you've never seen it, the basic idea is that a new teacher comes to a crime ridden urban high school and finds that his students are murderous sociopaths, and ends up having to kill them all with a series of deathtraps while the band plays the 1812 overture. If you have seen it, then you probably thought the same thing I did when I was watching it: "This story would be way better if Superman was in it."

Well rest easy, friends, because that exact thing has already happened, in a Jerry Siegel / Al Plastino classic with the truly amazing title, "The Three Tough Teen-Agers!"

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Bizarro Back Issues: Tiny Godzilla’s Time Travel Adventure (1979)

Godzilla01

It was only a few days ago that I wrote about why Marvel's Godzilla comic was one of the most fun titles of the Bronze Age. The thing is, doing an overview of an entire 24-issue series doesn't really give you the opportunity to go into the specifics and explain just what it was that made it so great. So if anyone still has any doubts about whether they should be spending some time digging through back issues boxes to put together a run, I thought it might be a good idea to go a little deeper to one of the many high points of the run.

And by that, I mean the time that Godzilla shrank down to tiny size, had a fistfight with the Thing, and then went back in time to have a wrestling match against Devil Dinosaur.

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