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Comics Alliance Reviews ‘Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.’

David Hasselhoff Nick Fury Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

So, what family obligation will you be ignoring to watch Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. tonight? Well, ComicsAlliance gives you permission to ignore the guilt: wedding anniversaries happen all the time; greatest moments in television history only happen once every fifteen years. To celebrate the newest greatest moment in television history, we hereby present our review of the original one: 1998's television film Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., written by David S. Goyer and starring the greatest actor in television history, the one and only David Hasselhoff. Read on if you can handle all the greatness.

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‘The Wolverine’ Suffers From A Distinct Lack Of Ninja Killing [Review]

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You know, I really expected Wolverine to kill more ninjas.

That's not being unrealistic, is it? I mean, when you hear that there's going to be a Wolverine movie based, however loosely, on the 1982 Wolverine miniseries by Chris Claremont and Frank Miller, you go into the theater expecting a few things to happen. I wasn't really looking for a specific number or anything, but if you'd asked me going in, I would've told you that my most important expectation for this movie was that Wolverine was going to kill a number of ninjas that was greater than zero. when the ninjas actually do show up about 20 minutes before the end, I figured it was finally time to pay off, but nope. Never happened. In that respect, I'm sorry to tell you that The Wolverine did not meet my expectations.

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‘Man Of Steel’: On My Planet, The ‘S’ Is For Sucks [Spoilers]

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If you like Superman movies that we already have, then I imagine you have the best chance of being entertained by Man of Steel. That's really the nicest thing I can say about it, and I say it because when you get right down to it, most of the considerable mistakes that made Man of Steel downright unbearable for me were made in those, too. In that respect, it's really just the latest installment of The Adventures of Terrible Movie Superman.

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ComicsAlliance Reviews ‘DOA: Dead Or Alive’ (2006), Part Two

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Chris Sims: Hello everyone, and welcome back to our close examination of DOA: Dead Or Alive, a movie about a fighting tournament and also sexy volleyball. So far, it has been a modern classic.

Matt Wilson: I would hesitate to say that. Classics tend to have things like memorable acting and compelling plots. This has been something more along the lines of a really fun collection of crazy clips.Chris: You're such a hipster. When we last left off, sexy volleyball had devolved into a sword fight in a bamboo forest, so now it's time for the movie to pick up one of its three or four dangling subplots and see if there's anything to it. Specifically, Max and Christie's plan to rob DOA Island of a cool hundred million, using Helena's tattoos as a key.

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ComicsAlliance Reviews ‘D.O.A.: Dead Or Alive’ (2006), Part One

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Chris Sims: Hello, everyone, and welcome back to our series of in-depth reviews focusing on movies based on fighting games. This week, we're starting in on DOA: Dead Or Alive, a movie that truly has everything, if you consider "everything" to be "scantily clad women and Kevin Nash." Which I do.

Matt Wilson: This is the first time I'm going to dispute our use of the word "depth." Generally, it's accurate, but with this movie, I think it's basically impossible.

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ComicsAlliance Reviews ‘Mortal Kombat’ (1995), Part Two

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Chris Sims: Welcome back for the second round of our in-depth review of 1995's Mortal Kombat! When we last left off, things had finally gotten interesting when Scorpion and Johnny Cage had a fight so intense that one of them exploded twice. It'll be great if this is a trend that co

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ComicsAlliance Reviews ‘Mortal Kombat’ (1995), Part One

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Chris Sims: Hello everyone, and welcome back to our series of movie reviews focusing on the cinematic classics based on fighting games. This week, it's time to TEST OUR MIGHT as we take on 1995's Mortal Kombat!

Matt Wilson: Congratulations, everyone who voted for the video game movies. We're all going to have that theme music stuck in our heads for two weeks.Chris: I think that's act

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ComicsAlliance Reviews ‘Street Fighter’ (1994), Part Two

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Chris Sims: Welcome back to our review of 1994's universally reviled Street Fighter, everyone! When we last left off, Commander Guile and Kylie Minogue were setting off to Shadaloo in a stealth boat, while Ken and Ryu were buddying up to a bunch of maroon-suited pseudo-vipers. Truly, it is exciting times.

Matt Wilson: Not

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ComicsAlliance Reviews ‘Street Fighter’ (1994), Part One

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Chris Sims: Hello everyone, and welcome, at long last, to ComicsAlliance's brand new movie review series. For you, the day you voted for us to spend months watching movies based on fighting games was the most important day of your life. For us... it was Tues

‘G.I. Joe Retaliation’ Is Stupid, Stupid Fun

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2009's G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra was a resoundingly stupid movie, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't kind of love it. I'll readily admit that I'm a sucker for anything that could be classified as "Destro-related media," but every inexplicable, awful piece of that movie combined into something that was at least inoffensive. It was

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