Mark Zuckerberg

Remember when Tom would just be your friend on MySpace? He'd just sit there in that little box, letting you know you had a friend out there on the internet. He didn't make a big deal out of his life story. He didn't buy out big virtual reality firms in the hopes of commercializing the technology. Tom was always just there for you when you needed a reminder that someone out there in the big, wide world wanted you to be able to connect to friends you may never have met, or to stay in touch with buddies from high school when they traveled far away. Nowadays you got this Zuckerberg fella making all kinds of claims on his newfangled social media empire, the Facebook. This guy sees one movie about himself, and he thinks he can just do whatever he wants. Donate millions to charity, buy into Oculus VR because he's got the money to do so, give your racist uncle a place to vomit up all his garbage ideas, and now, now he wants to go ahead and make an AI for his house based on the concept of the Marvel Cinematic Universe's JARVIS. Well you know what, Mark? You can just take that idea, and please make it marketable and affordable to me and the billions of people around the world who desperately want to be stuck inside Minority Report's ad-serviced future.