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Ultimate Warrior

Ask Chris #38: Is There a Santa Claus? And Other Christmas Questions


Q: DEAR CHRIS: I am 42 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, 'If you see it in ComicsAlliance it's so, unless that Wolkin guy wrote it, and then all bets are off.' Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus? -- David Lartigue, via email

A: David, your little friends are wrong, especially about David Wolkin. At least 30% of the stuff he writes is well-researched and at least partially semi-accurate. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe anything except what they read on message boards and comment threads. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, David, whether they be men's or children's, are little. Except Batman's. Because Batman thinks of everything. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect in his intellect (and not the radioactive kind that can give you super-powers), as compared with the boundless world about him.

Yes, David. There is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as Batman and Superman and Spider-Man exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no genocidal killer robots who were reprogrammed to give out presents but decided instead to murder the Avengers with hate-lasers.

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‘VelvetMania’ Exhibit Features 35 Black Velvet Portraits Of Pro Wrestlers, We Are Living In A New Renaissance

Black velvet portraits of Razor Ramon (L) and Mr. Perfect (R)

Listen: I am a dude who has a framed portrait of Destro from G.I. Joe hanging in my living room directly across from the front door so that visitors know exactly what they're getting into from the moment they set foot into my crib, so I think I know a little something about fine art. Now that my credentials are in order, I'm pleased to announce that we are currently living in the greatest artistic renaissance of all time. Why? Because we are living in a world where art galleries feature exhibits of black velvet paintings of professional wrestlers.

The gallery in question is, of course, the Los Angeles based Gallery 1988, known to CA readers as the host of the Adult Swim art show and other pop cultural delights, and it's the brainchild of gallery owner Jensen Karp and artist Bruce White. The exhibit, which opens this Friday night, will feature 35 portraits of stars from WWF's "New Generation," including Razor Ramon, Mr. Perfect and "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels. Check out a preview below!

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Failed Senate Candidate Alvin Greene Bluewaters Himself with a Superhero Twist


In what might be the first case of pre-emptive Bluewatering, the hapless and failed Democratic candidate for Senator of South Carolina, Alvin Greene, has released his own ridiculous comic book. Compounding the delicious horribleness of it all, Greene is presenting himself as a costumed superhero who saves people from bank foreclosures and, hilariously and almost certainly litigiously, calls himself the Ultimate Warrior...

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