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‘Tarot’ Comics: Where Softcore Porn and Haunted Vaginas Collide

[Warning: This article contains links to some NSFW material]

In order to promote his company, Broadsword Comics, writer/artist Jim Balent occasionally produces video “trailers” for upcoming issues of his supernatural softcore porn comic, Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose. The latest video hit YouTube last week, so we’ve gotten ComicsAlliance contributor and noted Tarotologist Chris Sims to provide a running commentary!

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0:10 – Once you get through the pounding techno beats of the intro and a shot of a topless Tarot fondling a crystal ball–which probably tells you all you really need to know about the comic–it’s time to meet Jim Balent himself. And we’ve got to say, no matter what you think about his comics, it’s almost impossible to not like this guy.

Maybe it’s because he has a reputation for being one of the nicest creators in the industry and maybe it’s the way he’s sitting in front of some fake Halloween candles like a friendlier Glenn Danizg, but when you get right down to it, it’s probably because, as Ken Lowery put it on Twitter, he looks like he’s about three seconds away from busting out into huge, Batman-in-Dark-Knight-Returns laughter at how awesome his life is. And why shouldn’t he? His actual job is to write and draw an award-winning — yes, really — comic about a witch who does pretty much everything naked and is totally in love with a guy who looks quite a bit like Jim Balent. He is cold living the dream of every 14 year-old boy.

Even if it’s occasionally a little terrifying for the rest of us.

0:32 – This is Jim’s better half, Holly GoLightly, whose very existence makes us believe in True Love, and we are not even kidding. Think about it: Jim Balent is a guy who is really into witchcraft and comics about naked girls, and in this crazy world of ours, he managed to find a girl who was also really into witchcraft and comics about naked girls, who married him — no joke — in a Star Wars theme wedding where she wore Princess Leia’s metal bikini. And yes: He was dressed as Darth Vader, which means he got married while dressed as his bride’s father. We couldn’t make up a love story that great if we tried.

0:38 – At this point, promotion starts for the recently released Tarot #58, which is billed as the latest installment of a series rooted in female empowerment that actually involves vagina dentata as a minor plot point.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Tarot, that’s pretty much par for the course.

0:54 – No, your ears do not deceive you: You are hearing the music of BrainClaw! That’s right: THE BrainClaw.

1:01 – Balent occasionally includes real people in his comics — there’s a climactic issue where the big bad guy is fought off by the combined efforts of a good chunk of Tarot‘s readership, for instance–and this time around, it’s Tonya Kay, who is described by Balent as “probably the most dangerous actress in Hollywood today.”

Her previous credits include “Solo Burlesque Dancer” in Showtime’s Live Nude Comedy, “Bikini Girl” in the upcoming Fully Loaded, and a stint on Stan Lee’s Who Wants To Be A Superhero.

1:35 – There’s a costume contest going on in the pages of Tarot, though how exactly fans are supposed to dress as a character who spends most of her time in the nude isn’t really explained. To give you an idea, this is essentially the most amount of clothing Tarot wears:

Then again, one assumes that you could probably take the money you’d save on not buying pants and put it into getting a pair of those wicked impractical boots, but considering that they’ve got high heels, skulls, chains, pentagrams, spikes, and bat-wings…

…it’ll probably still set you back a fair bit.

2:16 – Apparently John Madden got bored while he was watching this and decided to use the telestrator to draw a kitty-cat.

2:32 - Holly’s plugging her solo project, School Bites, a comic about a girl who goes to a special school to learn how to be a vampire that combines the cutesy “chibi” style of manga with a story where the main character gets completely naked in a splash page [NSFW] for reasons that are as yet unexplained.

2:41 – And the announcement we’ve all been waiting for…

2:53 – A LINE OF TAROT ACTION FIGURES FROM DIAMOND SELECT.

The news that Balent is bringing the existential horror of Tarot into a third spine-tingling dimension is one that we could write about all day, but it really just comes down to two factors:

1. Things we know about the toys: Namely, the fact that if they’re done true to the comics, you’re pretty much going to have to nail it to the base to stand them upright.

2. Things we can only hope: Like whether they’re going to finally outdo even the Masters of the Universe by producing the world’s first action figure with a Haunted Vagina feature.

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