Teenager Invents Working Solar Death Ray, Will Destroy Us All [Video]
Well, it was nice knowing you. Inspired no doubt by evil scientists like Lex Luthor and super villains like Doctor Light from the same dangerous comic books that Dr. Fredric Wertham warned us about so many years ago, the world will perish in flame courtesy of Eric Jacqmain, a 19-year-old kid from Indiana. Our new overlord has created from common household items what he actually calls an R500 Solar Death Ray that “melts steel, vaporizes aluminum, boils concrete, turns dirt into lava, and obliterates any organic material in an instant” with the power of 5,000 suns.In a genuinely terrifying video posted to YouTube that is underscored with ominously utopian electronic music, Jacqmain demonstrates the true reach of his great and terrible power. The all too convenient portability of the Solar Death Ray makes no place safe from its destructive beam, and every object in its path is within an instant set aflame or otherwise eradicated.
The R5800 is my latest and greatest solar creation. Made from an ordinary fiberglass satellite dish, it is covered in about 5800 3/8″ (~1cm) mirror tiles. When properly aligned, it can generate a spot the size of a dime with an intensity of 5000 suns! This amount of power is more than enough to melt steel, vaporize aluminum, boil concrete, turn dirt into lava, and obliterate any organic material in an instant. It stands at 5’9″ and is 42″ across.
Humanity’s only hope for survival is Jacqmain’s disgraceful ineptitude with respect to shed keeping. The R5800 was destroyed in a fire (that may or may not have been started when the Death Ray became sentient, realized the horrible nature of its existence, and took its own life), and we have some time before he constructs its frightening sibling. It is our sincere wish that like the Heavy Ink incident, where a ComicsAlliance editorial helped lead to weapons confiscation, the authorities will heed our (completely made up) warnings and confiscate the potential weapons of mass destruction that may or may not be found in Eric Jacqmain’s parents’ backyard before he enslaves us all.