Today is the day everyone has been waiting for, the day when Apple announces the magical, magical digital tablet that will the way we live, read, play, and dream forever and ever, amen. Now that they have successfully worked the entire internet into a veritable froth over this future device, robot sex webcomic "Diesel Sweeties" has released a t-shirt that it calls "Great Touchspectations," mashing up wild rumors with the wonderfully bizarre ravings of Dr. Bronner's Soap. It's almost as good as real news! Maybe better.

This t-shirt lists every single feature of the impending Apple tablet computer with stunning 900,000 percent accuracy. Each piece of information was plucked from the skulls of the designers by Richard Stevens III, American's Most Vigorous Psychic and is guaranteed stranger than fiction.