The Christmas Letter of Dr. Doom
With Doomsgiving behind us, It is once again the Holiday season! The tree has been decorated with the treasures of the pirate Blackbeard, the goblets are full of delicous Doomnog, and as we approach this year's mandatory two-hour Christmas celebration (increased from last year's 90 minutes, for is not Doom a generous ruler?), Doom would like to take a look back and share some of this year's treasured memories with you, his adoring countrymen.
Citizens should be reminded that readership of Doom's annual Christmas letter is mandatory and will be enforced by robots.
The loyal subjects of Latveria will no doubt recall that it has been a very eventful year for your beloved sovereign! Doom was once again named Man of the Year and Most Eligible Bachelor by "Latveria Today," and recieved the prestigious Victor Von Doom Award for Outstanding Achievement in Being Smarter and Cooler than The Accursed Reed Richards!
But what you may not know -- save those of you who whisper amongst yourselves, apparently forgetting that Doom sees and hears all, and who can shortly expect a visit from Doom's Rage Division -- is that the man you believed was your revered monarch was occasionally one of the many robotic duplicates that Doom uses to throw off the hated enemies of our peaceful land, the Fantastic Four.
For instance, The Dr. Doom that was rumored to have resorted to something called "Wikipeda," an unreliable research tool whose accursed moderators refuse to acknowledge Doom's assertions that the accursed Reed Richards is a massive tool and his wife is like the town doorknob (everyone gets a turn)...
...was most certainly a Doombot, and a malfunctioning one at that. It appears to have been doing some sort of comedy routine after its logic circuits were damaged by the grotesque terrorist invader known as "The Thing." But even a schoolchild knows that the only approved source research knowledge in Latveria is the Victor Von Doom Library at Victor Von Doom University, home of the VVDU Latverian National Champion Fighting Doombots!
Your beloved ruler did try his hand at the art of the jester himself, though, launching a brief comedy tour that can only be considered a resounding success!
(Doom has declared this video to be unsafe for the workplace)
Doom even expanded his "act" into an iron-fisted dominance of prop comedy, and will no doubt conquer the 10:00 time slot in the name of Latveria within the coming months.
Doom also branched out into the world of fashion design this year, taking his five-time "Latveria Today" Best Dressed Man honors and putting this knowledge to use for his beloved people, just as he has with his mastery of magic and science. Who could forget Doom's debut runway show?
Some of Doom's subjects may have claimed that it was a mistake for Doom to swap out his traditional armor for black slacks, a pair of foam gloves inspired by the early-90s WWF wrestler "The Undertaker," and a mismatched lightweight nylon cape, but those people have obviously never fought an orange rock monster in July and should've thought of that before they opened their stupid mouths. Doom hopes you enjoy your stay in the dungeons of Doomstadt, Karl.
But now it is Christmas, and so Doom must turn away from the petty men who are beneath him and embrace the true spirit of the season. Citizens should note that at the opening to this year's mandatory celebrations, they will be required to join in this year's Approved Latverian National Christmas Carol, Richards Got Run Over by a Reindeer.
Enjoy yourselves this Christmas, loyal subjects, and Doom awaits the arrival of presents purchased from his Amazon wishlist soon. Or else.
Merry Christmas to all (except of course the accursed Richards) and to all (again, excepting Richards and his family of buffoons), good night.
Dr. Victor Von Doom