Halloween is just around the corner, and here at ComicsAlliance, and one of the best parts of the month is gearing up for a night of costumes! It’s the one time of year when even people like me who could never cut it in our Best Cosplay Ever feature can drop by the local department store and walk out with the ability to dress up as our favorite characters.

But is that really a good thing? I have my doubts, which is why I’m spending every day taking on the store-bought costumes inspired by our favorite things. Today, we're taking our first look at costumes based on Star Wars! Surprising no one, there's enough goofy nonsense here for days and days.

Option 1: Star Wars Angry Birds Pig Darth Vader




This is probably the saddest thing I've ever seen.

I only play video games where you can steal cars or raise Pikachus, so I've never really gotten into this whole Angry Birds thing that the kids seem to like, but I cannot even imagine it being so good that it makes putting on a big foam poncho shaped like a pig that is also Darth Vader. If this dude showed up on my doorstep with that smug, self-satisfied smirk making jazzhands, I'm not sure if I'd hand him a Fun-Size Heath Bar or just close the door and start weeping for the fate of humanity.


Option 2: Deluxe Darth Vader Battle Damage Kids Costume




If youmust dress up as Darth Vader this year -- like if it's a state law or something -- then I'd suggest you go as the f**ked up last-20-minutes-of-RoboCop version, complete with a weird, pallid adult head on a child's body. If there's one thing I've learned from being a kid who played with action figures in the '90s (and, you know, today) it's that Battle Damage makes everything better.

Also, can we talk for a minute about how it's kind of weird that Darth Vader has individual robot toes?


Option 3: X-Wing Fighter Pilot Girls Costume




If you're a girl who likesStar Wars -- and there's a not-insignificant number of you out there who are -- then your options for licensed costumes are as predictably miserable as you might expect. It's all sexy slave Leias and frilly stormtrooper skirts.

That said, can you imagine how much better those dumb movies would've been if this was the actual X-Wing pilot uniform? Han Solo all struggling to put his newfound respect and affection for Luke into words, finally settling on a sincere "May the Force be with you" while Mark Hammil was standing there smoothing out the pleats on his pilot dress? Porkins all in the background with Wedge assuring him that the flared waist was very flattering? Where's the special edition with that added in?


Option 4: Inflatable Tauntaun




And I thought you smelled like cheap vinyl and sweat on the outside.