Here at ComicsAlliance, we love Riverdale, and while we'd like to say that it's because of the studiously self-aware goofiness of the plot, the fun character work, and the endless shipping potential (B&V forever), there's one thing that we're drawn to more than anything else: It's just really fun to see Archie Comics characters talking about sex and murder.

So fun, in fact, that it made us start to wonder what it would be like if all of that delightfully over the top Riverdale dialogue existed in the classic Archie Comics universe --- and since we're never ones to let a question go unanswered, we decided to find out by doing it ourselves.

It's something we've been doing in our weekly Pals 'n' Gals recaps ever since our own Kieran Shiach was inspired by Jughead's infamous "It's called necrophilia, Reggie" in episode 2, but since we're collecting them all in the same place, we've even gone back and add a few lines of dialogue we previously missed.

As for the source material, we're drawing on comics from throughout Archie's long history, using the digital versions that Archie (the company, not the guy with the abs) keeps available on Comixology. Admittedly, that's a little more difficult when you're dealing with a character like Kevin Keller, who's only been around for a few years, and you'd be surprised to find how few stories there are that have Betty's mom yelling at Archie's dad, but there's a wealth of material out there just waiting to be introduced to the concept of the Sticky Maple.

It's a Riverdale thing.


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