It's been a solid 15 years since I've devoted any time to seriously thinking about the Power Rangers franchise, but that changed today when an article from our friends at Topless Robot revealed the look and plot of the series that debuts in Japan next year, in which the Power Rangers are interdimensional laser pirates.

That's right: Not only does the next iteration of Power Rangers involve flint-lock laser pistols, giant monster-slashing cutlasses, Jolly Roger luchador helmets and ultra-popped high collars that are probably worthy of a post of their own, but in a celebration of the franchise's 35th anniversary, they'll also be using their robotic galleon to travel to the worlds of other franchises, transforming into those Rangers to deal with their plotlines.

Somewhere, the 12 year-old me that was stoked beyond belief at karate fighters who drove giant robot dinosaurs is freaking out right now. Never before has the recycling of stock footage sounded quite so exciting.Sadly, the text on the "parchment" in the ad above does not lead to robotic pirate treasure, but according to a translation on, it does provide some information on the show:

The 35th Super Sentai Series, the likes of which have never been seen before in history. Their name, "Kaizoku Sentai Goukaiger."

POINT 1- Goukai! Soukai! Tsuukai! (Heroic! Exhilarating! Thrilling!) The motif of this year's heroes is "Pirates". This motif overflows in from both its popularity in anime, cinema and other types of entertainment.

POINT 2- Super Sentai Series 35th Work. A Memoiral Year. 34 Sentai Series and 200 past heroes are used in this work. Both parents and children alike can enjoy it.

POINT 3- Transformation items are the "Ranger Keys", keys which have the likenesses of past Sentai Heroes, and the Mobile Phone, "Mobairetsu". Using the keys, the Goukaiger can turn into past sentai heroes and fight their enemies.

POINT 4- Their sword is the GoukaiKen, their gun, the GoukaiGun, which creates both an enchanting and violent Pirate Action.

POINT 5- Red's machine, GoukaiGalleon, unites with "vehicles favorited by boys" to form the gattai robo, GoukaiOh.

I think it's pretty interesting that they're coming right out and saying that this is a total nostalgia trip designed as much to appeal to parents as it is for kids, but that overlooks the key point here, which is that the phrase "creates both an enchanting and violent Pirate Action" is the single greatest phrase ever written in any language.

Also, there's a pretty big clue in there as to just why they went with pirates. The idea of sailing across dimensions lends itself pretty well to the imagery of a big ol' ship (which is apparently "favorited by boys"), and while attempts to capitalize on piratemania may have missed the proverbial boat here in America...

...that's not necessarily the case across the Pacific. Point 1 pretty much points to the fact that they're jumping on the bandwagon set by stuff like the wildly popular One Piece, which set records for having the biggest print run of any book in Japanese history. So the appeal is still there, even if it does offer up the promise of bringing down a robotic Tyrannosaurus with grappling hooks and laser ropes that I sincerely doubt it'll actually deliver on.

American audiences will have to wait to see it, as we're getting Power Rangers Samurai stateside at the same time as Kaizoku Sentai Goukaiger airs in Japan. And that's a shame, because while there may have been a time when masked samurai with giant robots might've been appealing, it was before the world saw this guy:

The promise of a Power Rangers version of a high-collar captain's coat alone makes everything else pale in comparison.