Just when it seemed like the season finale of American Idol couldn't get any ghastlier, Bono and The Edge took to the stage of the inexplicably popular karaoke competition to perform a song from Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark. Joining the U2 dadrockers was Reeve Carney, longtime star and survivor of the demonstrably lethal Broadway musical based on the Marvel Comics superheroes, who appeared to be lip-syncing. The loathsome affair was concluded by a recreation of Spider-Man's famous upside-down kiss, with Jennifer Lopez taking the place of Mary Jane Watson, a stunt that also seemed to go slightly wrong.

Despite being characterized by some critics as "a conniving multimedia monster that has absorbed the sin of our debauched culture and spit them out in a lump of reconstituted evil," American Idol is the most watched television show in the United States. As such, it is admirable that the producers of Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark were willing to risk all manners of calamity to put their product in front of what is truly the biggest television audience available. The crowd seemed to enjoy the performances of Bono, the Edge and Carney, although that reaction could be mitigated by the fact that they are the same collective who also decided that night to award 17-year-old country singer Scott McCreery the title of America's best karaoke singer and a recording contract with which he will release a single called "I Love You This Big."

The song performed by Bono, the Edge and Carney is the sort of ponderous slow jam we've come to associate with Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, but the concurrently lazy presentation was made valuable by a Spider-Man stunt performer dropping down from the ceiling and hanging right in front of Jennifer Lopez, the former actress who serves as one of American Idol's panel of judges, whereby she criticizes teenagers' performances of songs with which she has no association whatsoever. In a cute callback to the memorable upside-down kissing scene between Kirsten Dunst and Tobey Maguire in the first Spider-Man film, Lopez attempted to unmask the Spidey performer just enough to expose his mouth. Naturally, because this presentation was an extension of Turn Off the Dark, Lopez was unable to roll the mask off gracefully. She then proceeded to execute an unnecessarily cold kiss fakeout on Spidey, who retreated to the rafters in disgrace.

Following a series of violent setbacks that could constitute an entire season of Law & Order, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark will officially open on Broadway on June 14.

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