‘Attack On Titan’ 10-Patty Cheeseburgers Have Hit Japan, What Are We Even Doing Here In America?
Despite its popularity, I have yet to actually read/watch Hajime Isayama's Attack On Titan, a series about teens with swords and crazy zipline harnesses protecting their walled city from human-eating giants who look like Mr. Body. As I have said so many times, anime is for nerds, bro, but today, I am suddenly interested in finding out everything I can about the show. Why? Because whatever it is, it has resulted in Japan developing a ten-patty hamburger that sells for $20, along with a keychain and a drink.
"Heart Attack On Titan" jokes aside, the development of the massive tower of meat, available at the Lotteria fast food chain starting today, represents a clear challenge to the people of America. Find out more below!
Look: I was willing to accept the existence of Kamen Rider Churros because the market just isn't here, and besides, we've got Taco Bell breakfast coming later this month, so we've at least got that front covered. But this? Seriously, if the USA loses international dominance of cartoonishly excessive hamburgers, I don't know if our national morale can even recover. Clearly, the time has come for In-N-Out Burger to remove their restrictions on how tall they can make their burgers, imposed after the infamous 100x100 Incident.
The burgers come in towers of five, seven or ten, and as though Lotteria was daring you to go for it, they're all the same price. There's no reason not to go with the dekaburger over the pentaburger. Other than, you know, common sense and the powerful instinct of self-preservation.
Speaking of, via Funimation, here's what they actually look like:
Maybe it's just that I haven't had lunch today, but those could not look more delicious to me right now. So look, if anybody wants to fly me to Japan, I'll make you a deal: You keep the keychain, I'll eat the burger.