The Holiday Gift Guide for the Comic Book Characters in Your Life

December's almost a third over and we're guessing that some of you haven't quite gotten around to finishing up your holiday gift shopping yet. We here at ComicsAlliance are here to help. And we really would love to be able to advise each and every person on all of your shopping lists, but at the same time we're also busy and lazy and mostly just want to talk about comics. But therein lies the solution: We know comic book characters, so we've assembled a list of what to buy (or not) for several rather prominent ones, and all you have to do is find the closest match to your intended gift recipient and make your purchases accordingly.

Because we like to help. But in a way that lets us talk about Batman. So without further ado, the first name on our list is...

WHAT TO BUY:

As Bruce has now publicly stated that he'll be financially supporting the crimefighting efforts of Gotham City's Dark Knight, he can now afford to flash the bat symbol in public without drawing too much suspicion on his secret identity. These cuff links allow him to attend a formal event and subtly convey the awesomeness that is Batman. And the yellow background's a nice reminder to anyone in the know just which Batman this is.

This shirt, designed by Dr. McNinja creator Chris Hastings and available at the Topatoco Store, seems like a good thing for Wayne Enterprises to have around in bulk. Batman's a brand now, and handing these out to start spreading the whole "fighting the idea of crime" message sounds like a great marketing idea right about now.

WHAT NOT TO BUY:

We know what you're thinking. Bruce has been away for a while, so that means a lot of television shows and movies to catch up on. The Series 5 DVD set of Doctor Who should be something he'd appreciate. But you know what? We're guessing he probably wants to steer clear of time travel adventures for a while. He's probably getting a little tired of that.

Plus we heard he was pretty upset when he found out David Tennant was leaving.

WHAT TO BUY

Should Amadeus choose to get in a little pen and paper RPG time, he shouldn't have to use just any old plastic dice. All kinds of special multiple-sided dice made from metal, stone, bone or gems are out there to be found, but we're recommending a set of amethyst dice. The kind that you can find here, here, or here. Why amethyst? It just so happens that the ancient Greeks and Romans believed the mineral acted as a charm against drunkeness. And that's going to be handy for Amadeus if he's going to spending any time around Herc this New Year's.

And while he's using these dice, why not wear this shirt for sale over at Woot.com? Designed by actor Wil Wheaton, known for playing fellow boy genius Wesley Crusher, the shirt's been reprinted for the holidays but is only available until December 10th, so grab it while there's still time.

Of course, the one thing Amadeus is always going to appreciate is having some extra chocolate around to fuel his super-intelligence. There are a lot of options for good chocolate out there, but we're going to suggest going with organic gourmet chocolate maker Dagoba Chocolate. Sure, this particular vendor of "the food of the gods" gets extra nerd points for the name. But given that it's a reference to a prominent stopping point on one of the most famous modern examples of the "Hero's Journey", very little mental effort is needed to see that this is an obvious gift for one of the best comic characters of the past decade to undertake his own Hero's Journey.

WHAT NOT TO BUY:

Amadeus may be a classics fan, but you'll want to steer clear of either the 1981 or the 2010 versions of Clash of the Titans. To start with, a story with a hero aided by Athena problem isn't something Amadeus is in the mood to see right now. When you add in the fact that the Medusa decapitation scenes would make these no good for a movie night with his girlfriend Delphyne Gorgon, it's better to drop this idea like it's an old internet meme we could've referenced here but opted not to.

WHAT TO BUY:

Given the further advances made by vampires into popular culture, Buffy could use some help fighting them off. Enter Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett, formerly of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and now of Rifftrax. They've recorded the usual joke-filled commentaries to the first three films of the Twilight Saga, Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse, all of which can be purchased from the Rifftrax site in the form of audio files to be played in sync with a DVD of the movie. DVDs that probably turn up every once in a while in the remains of a cleared-out vamp lair.

Buffy and friends have gotten quite handy with crossbows over the years. So if they've got some downtime, maybe it'd be nice to put that accuracy to use with something a little less pointy and a little more tasty. Marshmallow-launching crossbows can be found in several varieties including a mini-marshmallow firing double-barreled model and another that fires full-sized marshmallows.

WHAT NOT TO BUY:

If you get her this book that offers to guide women in their quest for a vampire boyfriend, she will stab you with something much more painful than a wooden stake and you will not die quickly. And she will be entirely justified.

WHAT TO BUY:

The star of Mike Carey and Peter Gross' The Unwritten, Tom's world-spanning quest involving the entire history of fiction could probably be helped by having easy, instant access to countless books right at his fingertips. In other words, here's a person for whom owning an iPad could actually be the difference between life and death. Of course, given that he's being tracked by a powerful organization shrouded in secrets that could probably track his location from his downloads, there may be some drawbacks to that idea. Still, kind of worth it. IPad.

And once he's got that iPad, he's going to need something to give it a respectable classic book appearance, the sort of thing that would be at home in the opening credits of a PBS drama brought over from the United Kingdom. Look no further than the BookBook ipad cover by Twelve South, a hardbound leather iPad cover that'll give Apple's gadget the appearance of something that could contain ancient secrets worthy of the high price tag.



WHAT NOT TO BUY:

Given that Tom spend his entire childhood living in the shadow of the boy wizard character his famous author father named after him, he's probably sick and tired of magic toys. So while others might appreciate these toy wands available at ThinkGeek.com, including laser tag dueling wands, a voice-activated flashlight wand, and a motion activated candle and wand set, Tom would probably greet them with a cold stare and perhaps a slight forehead twitch rather than a thank you.

WHAT TO BUY:

We don't think it's unfair to assume that Scott's probably got a lot of old 8 and 16 bit video games lying around somewhere. But if he's had his consoles ever since they were released, they may not be in the best condition. The solution? A clone console, like the Retron 3 Triple System, which will play old Nintendo, Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis games. We're assuming he'll still need to blow into the cartridges first. But then, he's overcoming bigger challenges than that.

This one's more of challenging craft project. The Nes Paul is a custom designed miniature Les Paul guitar with the shell of an old Nintendo Entertainment System Console built around it. If you can manage to build a bass guitar model it'd be the perfect gift for Scott, and maybe you can scrounge together the components to construct one on eBay.

WHAT NOT TO BUY:

We don't care how good a match these socks would be for Scott. Yes, we know they were designed by Diesel Sweeties creator R. Stevens, the same person who made Scott's pixel skull shirt. You just don't get someone socks as a gift. Unless you're Scott's grandma. If you're Scott Pilgrim's grandma, then you buy him these socks. You buy him these socks hard.

WHAT TO BUY:

It's a fair assumption to make that Death's a music fan. And we'd really like to believe she's maybe got a copy of Rock Band 2 around somewhere that some of the other Endless show up to play every once in a while. So why not get her the next version? Which console? Clearly XBox, because given the system's high death rate she's bound to have a bunch sitting around. But be sure to toss in the ten dollars to let her export her Rock Band 2 tracks over to her new game. You really don't want to miss the opportunity to hear her sing Motorhead's Ace of Spades.

Seriously, take a few seconds to imagine what that would sound like.

For a contribution to her wardrobe, here's a t-shirt featuring her spritual cousin, author Terry Pratchett's benevolent Death from the Discworld series. Illustrated, with kitten, by artist Paul Kidby. Admittedly the shirt's not available in black, but we think she'll make an exception in this case.

WHAT NOT TO BUY:

Black bikini + white wig = ABSOLUTELY NOT