Welcome to Cast Party, the feature that imagines a world with even more live action comic book adaptations than we currently have, and comes up with arguably the best casting suggestions you’re ever going to find for the movies and shows we wish could exist.
Franken-Castle, for those who don't remember, is about the Punisher getting sliced to death by Daken, and then put back together as a Frankenstein monster by Morbius and the rest of the Legion of Monsters. He helps them protect the underground monster society from a group of monster hunters led by a steampunk German cyborg. As narrative excuses for huge monster fights go, it's a pretty good one.
Thomas Jane as Franken-Castle
Like Franken-Castle, Jane used to be the Punisher. And being a decade older now gives him more of that weariness that's even more essential to a Punisher who's died and come back.
Giovanni Ribisi as Morbius the Living Vampire
In addition to being a great actor, Ribisi has a strange almost reptilian quality that will make him a great quasi-human "living vampire."
Rami Malek as N'Kantu the Living Mummy
If N'Kantu's going to be a real character, he's going to need more than that withered skull face. Build his new look around Malek's big, expressive eyes and make him instantly more sympathetic.
Michael Kenneth Williams as Jack Russell, Werewolf by Night
I'm not sure how old Jack's supposed to be these days, but the more tired a werewolf seems, the better. I also love the idea of Williams' real facial scar being incorporated into Jack's werewolf look. That would also make him recognizable if he were to fight a roomful of other werewolves, which sounds like a fun scene.
Paul Giamatti as Manphibian
If you can do something with motion capture to translate Giamatti's facial expressions onto Manphibian's fish face, to accompany Giamatti's unaltered voice, you'll end up with fascinating take on the character.
Emma Stone as Satana
We've seen Stone do "cold," but I'm not sure she's really done "evil." And Satana's evil while still being one of the protagonists, which makes her even more interesting.
Neil Fingleton as Man-Thing
I don't know what Fingleton's real face even looks like, but for this role that doesn't matter. What matters is that he's close to eight feet tall, and he'll look really scary covered in moss.
Emily Blunt as Elsa Bloodstone
Elsa is the ultimate monster-hunting badass with a coat full of weapons and a posh English accent. Blunt would kill in this part.
Werner Herzog as Helsgaard
Can you imagine how creepy Herzog's weird vocal style will be as the voice of a skull-faced cyborg that escaped from Hell? I don't think you'd even need to direct Herzog. Just give him the lines and have him read them how he normally would.