Welcome to Cast Party, the feature that imagines a world with even more live action comic book adaptations than we currently have, and comes up with arguably the best casting suggestions you’re ever going to find for the movies and shows we wish could exist. This week we're looking at Rat Queens, the hilarious high fantasy series starring an all-lady team of rowdy adventurers, written by Kurtis J. Wiebe and currently illustrated by Tess Fowler.

Storywise, I think the best thing to do for a Rat Queens movie would be an original story, ideally with extensive input from Wiebe. My pick to direct would be Jen and Sylvia Soska, the horror directors whose works include American Mary and Dead Hooker in a Trunk. Peter Jackson came from low budget horror to make the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and I think the Soskas could handle a similar transition --- plus they’re economic filmmakers, not prone to Jackson’s excesses. Who better to make a Rat Queens movie than two sisters who love cursing and violence?

Obviously, this movie would use LotR-style special effects to alter the sizes of the characters, so that the orcs are huge, the dwarves are small, and the smidgens are tiny.

Because the goal is an original story (and because this comic has a huge and ever-growing cast) I’m only casting the core characters and their close friends, love interests, and people who seem to always be around. But if you have ideas for Old Lady Bernadette, Lola, or any of the parents, I’d love to see them in the comments!

  • Jena Malone as Hannah


    Malone brings a “been through it all” quality and a unique talent for sighing and rolling her eyes. She’s a perfect Hannah.

  • Danielle Brooks as Dee


    A standout on Orange is the New Black, Brooks is more than capable of the mix of social awkwardness and unholy power that Dee is all about.

  • Rose Leslie as Violet


    Leslie was great as a warrior woman on Game of Thrones, but this time she’ll trade her bow and arrows for a sword… and an ax… and probably another bow and some more arrows.

  • Lauren Lapkus as Betty


    An extremely funny actress who’s yet to have much of a vehicle, Lapkus also happens to look as much like Betty as any actual person could.

  • Keegan Michael Key as Sawyer

    Image/Comedy Central

    Key may seem like an odd choice, and he certainly has less hair than Sawyer does in the comics. However, his comic skills, and particularly his ability to portray exasperation, will bring a lot to the role.

  • Riki Lindhome as Tizzie

    Image/Comedy Central

    “Mean girl elf mage” is actually strikingly close to roles Lindhome’s had in the past, even though she’s never done fantasy.

  • Laverne Cox as Braga


    If I’m going to cast a trans woman as an orc warrior, I want everybody to already know for a fact that she’s usually glamorous and feminine. Also, I’d love to see Cox branch out from the kind of parts she usually gets.

  • Aldis Hodge as Human Dave


    Hodge is funny, incredibly handsome, and has action experience. All of these things also describe Human Dave.

  • Erick Rowan as Orc Dave


    No human has ever looked as much like an orc as WWE wrestler Erick Rowan looks like Orc Dave. Just imagine he’s actually curing Roman Reigns’ headache in this photo, and bluebirds are about to fly out of his beard.

  • Kristen Kish as Faeyri


    If you thought a wrestler was a questionable casting choice, how about a celebrity chef? Look at her though — she’s perfect for the part.

  • Kyle Mooney as Gary


    Get out of here, Gary. Nobody likes you.