Censored ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’ Porno is Awesome Fan Film [Video]

As unlikely as it may seem, a recently released pornographic parody of Star Trek: The Next Generation is an astonishingly good, big budget fan-film based on the classic television series. Featuring impressively faithful recreations of the sets, costumes an even technology seen in the original Gene Roddenberry show, writer and director Sam Hein puts forth a wholly acceptable plot in which Lt. Tasha Yar returns to the Enterprise alive and well, and in such a way that is completely in keeping with established Star Trek continuity.

While this has something to do with comics only by the thinnest possible stretch of the imagination, I was so taken aback by The Thumbcast's shockingly decent version of the film, which cuts out all the sex, that I felt compelled to pitch it as a feature to ComicsAlliance Captain Laura Hudson, who inspected the material and replied, "Make it so."The following 25-minute film has been edited to be SAFE FOR WORK. There is no sex on the Enterprise. No sex.

SPOILERS FOLLOW

Star Trek: The Next Generation - A XXX Porn Parody includes the sort of references you'd expect to see in a tribute film of this kind: Picard's fish, Picard's flute, Geordie's plainly gross relationship with a holographic version of a married woman he has no hope of scoring with, etc. But beyond those fun moments and its uncommonly high production values, what will impress Star Trek fans about Hein's porno version is its strict adherence to existing TNG continuity. The plot deals explicitly with the history of Lt. Tasha Yar, the former Chief of Security aboard Captain Picard's Enterprise-D. A refugee from a human colony that we know to be populated mainly by "rape gangs," the young Yar escaped her dire circumstances and became a Starfleet officer before being unceremoniously killed by a malevolent entity.

In "Yesterday's Enterprise," we were introduced to a Tasha from an alternate timeline where the Federation never made peace with the Klingon Empire. In that story, Lt. Yar was stranded in our universe and sent back in time, where she ended up getting raped anyway by a high ranking Romulan official and giving birth to an evil half-Romulan daughter who later helped get her killed. That daughter, Sela, subsequently became one of Picard's greatest enemies.

In Star Trek: The Next Generation - A XXX Porn Parody, that alternate timeline version of Tasha Yar is discovered alive and well in a stasis chamber on a remote planet, revealing Sela to have been a liar, which is in keeping with her character. Although this Tasha came from an alternate timeline and for some reason looks like Black Canary, Picard and the crew of the Enterprise are glad to see her. The feeling is mutual, except with respect to Worf, who Tasha hates because in her timeline the Klingons were the Federation's enemies. But nobody is more pleased to see Tasha alive than Lt. Commander Data, the android crew member who the first version of Tasha famously dosed with space-roofies, banged, and then ordered to keep quiet about the whole thing. Upon hearing about her counterpart's ghastly behavior, the alternate universe version of Tasha sleeps with Data and actually promises to brag about it the next day.

Unfortunately for everyone, Chief Engineer Geordie LaForge and his deeply inappropriate holographic replica of Enterprise-D engine designer Leah Brahms deduce that Tasha's return means more than it seems. But the truth isn't discovered soon enough, and Sela's Romulan Warbird de-cloaks and attacks the porno Enterprise. The stardate puts the events of this story just after "Face of the Enemy," in which Counselor Troi goes undercover as a Romulan and magnificently derailed the Star Empire's latest plot for galactic domination. Presumably, Sela's actions are revenge for that action.

As it turns out, Sela has rewritten her mother's DNA to accept commands from tachyon emissions, turning Tasha into a sci-fi version of Reggie Jackson from The Naked Gun. Luckily, Data figures it out and blocks Sela's commands to Tasha, which actually kills her. Again.

Data's improper use of contractions, Riker's incorrect beard and Picard's chimney sweep accent notwithstanding, Star Trek: The Next Generation - A XXX Porn Parody is a thoroughly clever fan film that demonstrates an enormous affection for its source material, and makes one wonder how many more of these genre-based pornographic films could be reedited with similar results.

[Via The Thumbcast]