Cast Party: Who Should Star in an ‘Archie’s High School Reunion’ Movie?

Look, I already know people are going to be resistant to Ferguson because he's been stuck on a pretty mediocre sitcom for most of his career (and he's probably made too much money to be sad about it), but he actually has great comedic timing, and I'm confident he'd be that much better in a project with better writing. And anyway, it's not like Hollywood is full of handsome ginger men to choose from.

No real human being has ever looked as much like Jughead as DJ Qualls. The fact that he never got to play the role when he was young enough to pass as a teenager is a genuine shame, and if one thing would justify the existence of this ridiculous Middle-Aged Archies project, it's that.

Williams brings some serious acting chops, but she's proven her skill at comedy as well. She's also spent most of her career playing girl-next-door types, and Betty's one of the the originals in that regard.

Beatriz is tough as nails in Brooklyn NineNine, but even on that show she has an undeniable innate glamour. As Veronica, that dynamic will be reversed: glamour on the surface, iron will that refuses to be denied underneath.

I went with a primarily dramatic actor for Reggie, because I think if you cast a comedian he'd just seem like an irredeemable jerk. Whereas Gyllenhaal can play him as the kind of guy who thought he was really cool in high school, and is kind of lost as an adult.

Of course you know it's my running gag in this column to always cast a wrestler, but the choice has never seemed more obvious. Cena's actually been getting noticed recently playing small parts in comedies, and the role of grown-up Moose is perfect for him. You could even say that Moose is a professional wrestler; it would make a lot of sense.

I can't imagine Moose and Midge staying together into adulthood, chaotic as their relationship always seemed to be, but there's bound to be drama when they're reunited, and just the mental image of Ricci and Cena playing off each other is already amusing me.

A version of Kevin who was out in high school in the early 90's would have had a different experience than the younger version (and he certainly wouldn't have planned a military career), but any swagger he lacked back then he'll certainly make up for in his 30s.

I just think Moynihan's really funny, has a great look for the part, and can certainly play the kind of awkward adult an awkward teen like Dilton will almost certainly grow up to be.

Yes, I know Cheryl doesn't go to Riverdale High, but if she's anywhere in the area, she'll certainly make her presence known when Archie comes back to town. And she'll probably be even more glamorous than she was back in the day, which we know Hendricks can pull off.

What other band would the Riverdale gang want to play at their reunion? And who better to play the older version of that band than Tara Reid, Rachel Leigh Cook, and Rosario Dawson, the stars of the best comic book movie of all time, who just happen to be the right age now?