Welcome to Cast Party, the feature that imagines a world with even more live action comic book adaptations than we currently have, and comes up with arguably the best casting suggestions you’re ever going to find for the movies and shows we wish could exist. This week we’re imagining a movie I'd really like to see: an adaptation of the Doom Patrol, specifically the classic Silver Age team created by Arnold Drake and Bruno Premiani.
The Doom Patrol's tagline was always "The World's Strangest Heroes," and the movie should embrace that strangeness. It'll be funny without making light of the tragedies the characters have gone through. I'd love to get Noah Baumbach to direct it. He's an idiosyncratic indie guy who hasn't done anything in the realm of action or sci fi, but if he can make that transition the result should be really interesting.
And of course, once there's a Doom Patrol movie, eventually there's a sequel based on Grant Morrison's work on the book, and that's where things really go off the deep end.
Nick Offerman as Cliff Steele
I don't want to minimize Offerman's considerable talents, but I think he's the very best at two emotions: grumpy and tired. And that's pretty much Cliff Steele. His metal form will be motion-captured, so he'll have all of Offerman's body language as well as his voice.
Nasim Pedrad as Rita Farr
Pedrad's an incredibly beautiful actress that Hollywood hasn't given nearly enough to do. Elasti-Girl is also a beautiful actress, shunned by Hollywood for turning into a giant. They're perfect for each other.
John Cho as Larry Trainor
I'm filling this movie with comedic actors because I want it to be fun despite the characters' dark circumstances. And if anybody can find the humor in being dangerously radioactive, it's Cho.
David Duchovny as Chief Niles Caulder
Stunt casting, but also kind of not. Niles Caulder is a charismatic but untrustworthy weirdo who's obsessed with the bizarre. Duchovny's great at that sort of thing, plus he can pull off the beard.
Jesse Williams as Steve Dayton
Steve Dayton presents himself as a handsome romantic lead, but he's actually kind of an obsessive creep. I think Williams can handle those layers.
Dominique Pinon as the Brain
Pinon's face may or may not appear in flashback, but mostly he'll be a digitized voice emitted from the base of his brain jar. Either way, he's a delightfully weird actor with a real French accent, best known for his work with Jean-Pierre Jeunet.
Vincent Cassel as Monsieur Mallah
I also wanted an actual French actor to voice Mallah, but Cassel is a much more romantic figure. I love the idea of him playing a handsome, debonair Frenchman, except he just happens to actually be a gorilla, and all his love scenes are with a brain in a jar.
Jessica Paré as Madame Rouge
We saw in little flashes on Mad Men that Paré is capable of being surprisingly harsh and menacing when called on to do so. As Rouge, she'll stay in that mode for the entire movie.
Garguax moves slowly in Earth's gravity, but he's still huge and menacing. And nobody's more menacing than Samoa Joe. If Guardians of the Galaxy taught us anything, it's that you can't go wrong painting a wrestler green.