Welcome to Cast Party, the feature that imagines a world with even more live action comic book adaptations than we currently have, and comes up with arguably the best casting suggestions you’re ever going to find for the movies and shows we wish could exist. This week we’re visiting a concept that has yet to be done justice in a movie, but one that clearly has potential. The Fantastic Four, Jack Kirby and Stan Lee's most impressive co-creation, will certainly get another movie sooner or later, because Fox doesn't want to give up the rights. And obviously I have opinions on how to finally do it justice.
First of all, don't make them kids. Johnny should be young; the others should be a little older. Second, and this is the big one, give up on realism. This is a midcentury Space Age romp, and you need to adapt it as such. I wouldn't set it in the past, but in a colorful, semi-retro sci fi neverland. Think of the Speed Racer movie. In fact, the Wachowskis would be great directors for this too.
And please, stop trying to tie Dr. Doom into the origin of their powers. He has a history with Reed, but he only shows back up after the Four emerge as superheroes. He doesn't have powers of his own, just a suit of hi-tech armor and a bunch of robots. Ideally, he shouldn't even be the villain in the first movie. Set him up, sure, but don't spotlight him until the sequel. I've included Galactus and the Silver Surfer in the cast, but ideally they shouldn't show up until the third movie. The first movie will show the origin (with a rocketship and everything!) and then bring in the Puppet Master as a villain.
Josh Hamilton as Mr. Fantastic
Casting a young Reed Richards in a mistake. Reed should be well into middle age (graying hair and all) by the time we meet him. Hamilton is one of the most underrated actors of his generation, and he'll play the heck out of this science-obsessed jerk/hero.
Liev Schreiber as the Thing
I know it seems weird for the same actor who's played Sabretooth to go on to play the Thing, but I think we can agree that he's much more well-suited to Ben Grimm than Victor Creed. I'd like to balance the two previous Things by having Schrieber in a costume, but with a mo-capped CGI face. Also he wears shorts.
Gabrielle Union as the Invisible Woman
Union remains as gorgeous and charismatic as she was in Bring It On, and the fact that Hollywood hasn't found better roles for her in the past decade is basically a crime. I love Kate Mara, but this is the Sue Storm the world needs.
Aml Ameen as the Human Torch
I honestly considered keeping Michael B. Jordan in this part, since he's capable of so much better than that other movie let him do. But I decided to concede that that's not how franchise reboots work, and came up with another incredibly handsome up-and-coming actor to play the team's literal hotshot.
Mads Mikkelsen as Dr. Doom
This is how you cast Victor Von Doom. He's not young, he's not American, and while he might be handsome (mask and scars aside), the main emphasis should be on how scary he is. Mikkelsen is too perfect a Doom for Fox to ever be smart enough to cast him. And don't tell me he can't be in this movie because he's in Doctor Strange, considering how the old Human Torch became Captain America.
Steve Buscemi as the Puppet Master
Close your eyes and imagine Steve Buscemi with a shaved head. Creepy, isn't he? Now imagine he's controlling your thoughts and actions without you even knowing it. Are you terrified yet?
Sandrine Holt as Alicia Masters
Holt is a formidable enough actress to hold her own playing opposite Schreiber, and her scenes with Buscemi will be dramatic fun too. She'll really be able to channel that inner strength that makes Alicia who she is.
Peter Dinklage as Galactus
I'm sticking with my Galactus pick from Squirrel Girl: Perfect face, perfect voice, and his actual height is irrelevant to the part.
Cody Rhodes as the Silver Surfer
Rhodes has the body and face to look the part, and can you imagine how excited he'll be to play it? Any limitations he might have as an actor will be overcome by energy, enthusiasm, and physical prowess.