Welcome to Cast Party, the feature that imagines a world with even more live action comic book adaptations than we currently have, and comes up with arguably the best casting suggestions you’re ever going to find for the movies and shows we wish could exist. This week we're doing one that's been in the back of my mind for a while: A Disney Uncle Scrooge movie.
This movie will of course be an epic, globe-trotting adventure for the whole family. It'll be based primarily on the comics by Carl Barks and Don Rosa, but I've incorporated elements and characters from the classic Ducktales TV series, mostly because they already solved some of the problems of adaptation. Uncle Scrooge himself would be the first to point out that it's wasteful to reinvent the wheel.
Billy Connolly as Uncle Scrooge
Honestly, the whole idea of this edition of Cast Party came about because I saw Connolly on TV and was thinking "that guy would make an amazing Uncle Scrooge." Not only is he old, Scottish, and very funny, but he literally has white hair that sticks out on the sides.
Cade Sutton as Huey, Dewey, and Louie
If you're going to cast a child actor in a triple role, you want to be sure they're talented and not too annoying. Sutton, of Disney's Kirby Buckets, seems to have what it takes.
Louis CK as Donald Duck
Under the sailor suit and the funny duck voice, Donald is at heart an eternally frustrated middle-aged man. In other words, he's a perfect Louis CK character.
Breanna Yde as Webby Vanderquack
I decided to include Webby (who was never in the comics) for what I'm sure is the same reason she was added to Ducktales: there are almost no female characters in those comics, ever. Yde is a likable kid who will do her best to balance the energy of the triplets.
Kathy Najimy as Mrs. Beakley
If we're bringing in Webby, we should include her grandmother too, and Najimy will bring some personality to the role.
Winona Ryder as Magica De Spell
Like most former ingenues who pass 40, Ryder doesn't get nearly enough to do. Playing the villainous sorcerous will give her a good chance to get back to her goth roots.
Patrick Warburton as Launchpad McQuack
Launchpad is the very definition of a Patrick Warburton character: He's big, dopey, and likable.
Dax Shepard as Gyro Gearloose
I just really think Dax Shepard looks like Gyro Gearloose. Tell me I'm wrong.
Craig Ferguson as Flintheart Glomgold
In the comics, Flintheart was South African, but I'm sticking with the change Ducktales made to make him Scottish. Mostly because I really want Craig Ferguson to be in this movie, and for there to be scenes of him and Billy Connolly yelling at each other.
The Dudley Boyz as the Beagle Boys
Okay yes, there's usually at least three Beagle Boys, and there are currently only two Dudleys. Let them bring Rhyno or something. Or maybe there's a big gang of Beagle Boys, but it's just D-Von and Bubba over and over again with different numbers on their shirts. That would be a good gag.