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End of the Week Explosion #21

Welcome to the ‘splosion! We’ve been gone a couple of weeks due to an “unfortunate incident” involving Seacord and a man we will call BRC. Seacord spent a week in county jail and a week in downtown lock-up. This week’s explosion was also supposed to take place at a local Hardee’s. Unfortunately, we hit a road bump involving the fact that I have no idea where there is a local Hardee’s. So Seacord, how was jail?

What’s up bro? Yeah so I had a “mini-vacation” consisting of three hots and a cot. People are so uptight, you know? I mean sinceDC DOC when is it a law that you have to wear pants at the mall? I’m really trying to put the emphasis on comfort here. Pants are just so constricting. I’m just being me. Sure it’s much more uncomfortable when your blood alcohol level is .28 but who’s keeping track. I mean I didn’t see the breathalyzer so I had to take their word for it. And with no pants on a man can get cold, right? So what if I took a nap under the heat lamps at Sbarro? Rules, bro, rules. At any rate, made some great friends and I look forward to my next stay at DC’s correctional institute. I have to say it is in my top ten jails across the nation.

Q: Do you really think you can kill three 920 calorie Country Breakfast Burritos?

Absolutely. If some little 115 pound girl can crush like 30 some odd hotdogs in 5 minutes or whatever I can eat 3 of these heart attacks in a tortilla. Sure I may contract diabetes or a hardened artery or two but that’s what modern medicine is for. I’m all about dares, like I bet you can’t drink a fifth of Jack Daniels and walk around the mall without pants on. Check and mate my friend.

Cap?Q: Did you see the new Captain design? It’s really shiny. Like, ridiculously shiny.

Didn’t he just die? Now they are bringing him back armed? Guess a boomerang shield doesn’t cut it anymore so let’s load Cap up with a Desert Eagle. If he misses with the adamantium shield then BLAM, he’s gonna go all Charles Bronson. Why not just make all the Avengers some form of full-blown weapon toting vigilantes? Give Hawkeye a sniper rifle, Black Widow an M-60…etc. Somehow, I see the Punisher getting an honorary membership here soon. If I were the Punisher I’d be a little pissed. It’s like you guys have been chasing me for years and now you wanna know where I get my ammo? This is a great idea, really, pure marketing genius.

Q: What?! TIMECOP is coming back?

Again, didn’t care the first time, don’t care now. Jean-Claude Van Damme had one good movie, Bloodsport. All the others sucked ass. I’m willing to bet this movie still out-grosses Fred Claus. Doing the cute holiday Santa movie is the death of any actor’s career. Tim Allen: case in point. Why, Vince, why? Oh well, Wedding Crashers wasn’t that funny to begin with.

Q: Did you get a chance to see the new WANTED trailer? What the hell! Where are theWANTED supervillains? No giant crap monster?!

Nope haven’t seen it yet. It’s amazing how little internet access you have in jail. By that I mean, zero. Unless you count the guy who wears the tinfoil hat and can intercept satellite signals. I saw him do it, true story. Though I saw him do it after drinking wine that had been made in a toilet. SO…I may not be the best person to speak of this. The comic ruled so of course how can this movie be anything but amazing? Never in the history of comics to the big screen has this formula ever failed. It’s like the writers and directors are always on the same page. It’s just one hit after another, Daredevil, Spider-Man 3, Elektra…I rest my case.

Q: There’s a new Joss Whedon (BUFFY, SERENITY) TV show coming out with Eliza Dushku as a fantasy-fulfilling sexpot. Isn’t Eliza Dushku already a fantasy-fulfilling sexpot?

I was wondering where she went. Everything Eliza touches turns to gold. She’ll do this but Bring It On 2 was just above her?. What video does Eliza have of Joss Whedon that he continues to cast her in these roles? What, was the girl from Transformers unavailable? I am convinced that she should be in every movie made from here on out wearing half shirts and jean shorts. The occasional skirt too.

Ok I’ve gotta go look for a job. I’m hoping that Xbox Live has want ads….if not, then it’ll have to wait until tomorrow.

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