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The Insane (But Pretty Dang Sweet) Letter Written to a Meteorologist by a Child

If you’re worried about the values that we’re passing on to the next generation of megalomaniacal sociopaths, worry no longer. A meteorologist in Austin, TX, received a fan letter from an aspiring supervillain, thanking him for teaching his class about the weather — an promising not to enslave him when said child becomes supreme Ultra-Lord of the universe. Even if the rest of us end up as this kid’s slaves, at least we can look forward a future where unicorns feed people doughnuts from their horns.Reddit user hdadeathly posted this letter (and the accompanying illustration), explaining that his sister is a news producer in Austin, and her meteorologist coworker (Googling suggests KVUE’s Albert Ramon) received this letter, written in a childish script:

For those of you who don’t read kid, here’s the transcript:

Dear Mr. Ramon,

Thank you for coming to our school and teaching us about weather.

Some day when I become supreme Ultra-Lord of the universe I will not make you a slave, you will live in my 200 story castle where unicorn servants will feed you doughnuts off their horns.

I will personally make you a throne that is half platnum [sic] and half solid gold and jewel encrested [sic].

Thank you again for teaching us about meteoroligy [sic], you’re more awesome than a monkey wearing a tuxedo made out [of] bacon riding a cyborg unicorn with a lightsaber for the horn on the tip of a space shuttle closing in on Mars while ingulfed [sic] in flames… And in case you didn’t know, that’s pretty dang sweet.

Sincerely, Flint.

P.S. Look on the back for drawing.

While I’d love to think that this is the entirely original work of a future Lex Luthor, given the confluence of cyborg unicorns and monkeys in bacon tuxedos (not to mention the correct spelling of “doughnuts”), I can’t help but suspect that an older sibling, perhaps one who spends a lot of time on the Internet, helped young Flint compose this missive. But I can still hope that there exists a small Texan child with the creativity and drive mold the world to fit his meme-filled vision.

To give us a better sense of that vision, two Redditors were inspired to illustrate the letter’s central simile. This image comes from user Shooper_Scooper:

And this one from user nephiroth:

Real or not, it’s hard to deny the awesomeness young Flint has inspired.

Via HappyPlace

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