The Insane (But Pretty Dang Sweet) Letter Written to a Meteorologist by a Child
If you’re worried about the values that we’re passing on to the next generation of megalomaniacal sociopaths, worry no longer. A meteorologist in Austin, TX, received a fan letter from an aspiring supervillain, thanking him for teaching his class about the weather — an promising not to enslave him when said child becomes supreme Ultra-Lord of the universe. Even if the rest of us end up as this kid’s slaves, at least we can look forward a future where unicorns feed people doughnuts from their horns.Reddit user hdadeathly posted this letter (and the accompanying illustration), explaining that his sister is a news producer in Austin, and her meteorologist coworker (Googling suggests KVUE’s Albert Ramon) received this letter, written in a childish script:
For those of you who don’t read kid, here’s the transcript:
Dear Mr. Ramon,
Thank you for coming to our school and teaching us about weather.
Some day when I become supreme Ultra-Lord of the universe I will not make you a slave, you will live in my 200 story castle where unicorn servants will feed you doughnuts off their horns.
I will personally make you a throne that is half platnum [sic] and half solid gold and jewel encrested [sic].
Thank you again for teaching us about meteoroligy [sic], you’re more awesome than a monkey wearing a tuxedo made out [of] bacon riding a cyborg unicorn with a lightsaber for the horn on the tip of a space shuttle closing in on Mars while ingulfed [sic] in flames… And in case you didn’t know, that’s pretty dang sweet.
P.S. Look on the back for drawing.
While I’d love to think that this is the entirely original work of a future Lex Luthor, given the confluence of cyborg unicorns and monkeys in bacon tuxedos (not to mention the correct spelling of “doughnuts”), I can’t help but suspect that an older sibling, perhaps one who spends a lot of time on the Internet, helped young Flint compose this missive. But I can still hope that there exists a small Texan child with the creativity and drive mold the world to fit his meme-filled vision.
To give us a better sense of that vision, two Redditors were inspired to illustrate the letter’s central simile. This image comes from user Shooper_Scooper:
And this one from user nephiroth:
Real or not, it’s hard to deny the awesomeness young Flint has inspired.