Seven End of the Year Lists We Could Have Done But (Mostly) Didn’t
For many people, the end of a year and the start of a new one is a time of introspection and reflection, a time to look back at the things we have accomplished and the things we hope to accomplish in the coming days. Comics websites are no different. They like to reflect on the ending year’s best and worst accomplishments as well as imagining what achievements there may be in the forthcoming year. And if they can format this year-in-review as a series of shameless link-bait listicles, all the better! Here’s some articles of this type you might have seen on, you know, other websites.
The Best Comics of the Year, Which Are, Coincidentally, All Comics You Are Already Reading
Don’t worry, reader. Far be it from us to challenge your delicate reading sensibilities. Obviously you have the best taste possible, otherwise why would you be reading our website? Hahahah. Anyway, we’ve been tirelessly scouring all the comics we could find in our bedroom that came out in 2013, and we’ve put together a list of nothing but the absolute very best titles that the medium of sequential graphic art had to offer this year, as far as we know. And good news! Every title on this list is one that you’re already reading! But that should have been obvious, you know, mathematically, because you buy every comic with Batman in it, and any book without him in it cannot, mathematically, be the best. Anyway, high fives and confirmation bias all around.
Comics We Liked So Much This Year That We Didn’t Mention Them Until Just Now
On the flip side, we could totally do a well-researched list that covers a wide variety of genres, styles, and provenances, showing off the diversity of comics in terms of their potential, creators, and audiences. The list is useful and introduces you to comics you were not previously familiar with, and because of it, you find your new favorite title, which you cherish month in and month out and share with all your friends. The question you ask, though, is why did we, the website, wait until making a year-end best-of list to mention how great this book was, instead of focusing on the same old jazz all year long? The answer is because a thoughtful review of an invigorating new work that reveals some universal truth about the human condition does not bring nearly as many clicky-click dollars as an article espousing some rude opinions about Power Girl’s boob hole.
Hmm? What’s that? Oh, we…we DID do that one? Look, uh, just skip to the next item on the list.
A Thing Where We Just List Literally Every Comic That Came Out This Year
On the FLIP flip side, we could do a list where we just say everything that came out this year, but put numbers by the titles as if that means anything. That way no one gets left out, and we don’t have to do that much critical thinking. Just go to the Diamond Top 300 list, copy, paste, donezo. You’re welcome, comics creators. Please feel free to print “[Comics Website]’s 87th best comic of 2013” on the front of your deluxe edition hardcovers.
Ten “Up and Coming” Creators Who Have Actually Been in the Business for Ten Years
This list is also known as the “Backhanded Compliment Award.” Look, guys, I know for ten years you’ve been putting your heart, soul, blood, sweat, tears, and sanity into developing a piece of personal work in order to both express yourself and catch the notice of people who might be sympathetic to what you’re trying to say or who might get something out of your work, but for me to have even heard of that stuff, I would have to, like, turn past page 30 of the Previews catalog. GROSS. But now that you’ve landed this Deadpool mini-series, I am f**kin’ stoooooooooooked about your work, dude.
Ten Characters to Watch Out for in 2014
Hahahah, what does this even mean? Why is this a list people do? Hey, guys! Spider-Man is going to be in some comics next year! Look out for those! Better hop on those SPIDER-MAN comics! 2014 is going to be a HUGE year for SPIDER-MAN. PERHAPS YOU’VE HEARD OF HIM. Keep a close eye on these characters that will also be appearing in MOVIES this year! Holy cow, movies! Wow! I bet ROCKET RACCOON will be in a comic because he is also going to be in a movie! Big year for Rocket Raccoon!
Why is this a thing? Why did you do this, Comic Website? Why, why, why do you continue to support this nonsense, Comic Website Reader? Whhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Comics’ Ten Most Unforgettable Moments of 2013
These moments are so god damn unforgettable, here is an article reminding you of them. Money, please.
Top Ten Best Comic Book Movies of 2013
Oh, man, were there ten comic book movies in 2013? According to the Internet Moving Pictures Database Dot Com, there were one million comic book movies in 2013, and 999,999 of those were sequels or remakes, so we are definitely set if we want to make a list of ten, the number most aesthetically pleasing to the human mind when presented in list form (seven is also good if you can’t think of ten things ::cough::). But, perhaps more importantly, were there ten GOOD comic book movies in 2013? No, you’re wrong: that’s not more important than saying ten things. Anyway, we can always just repeat Man of Steel as many times as necessary to pad out the list. What? Blue is the whatest what? What are you even talking about? Anyway, love that Man of Steel. I give it ten neck murders out of ten.
See you in 2015!