Slate shares a video slideshow of the most improbable escapes from danger in the 1980s "G.I.Joe" cartoon, like a Native American's pet bald eagle catching a ninja throwing star in midair, or the time Snake Eyes dressed up like a female cabaret dancer with enormous 1980s shoulder pads. This is almost guaranteed to be more entertaining that the upcoming film.

Also, if you haven't watched the intro to the G.I.Joe movie before, or in a while, I encourage you to take 3 minutes out of your life and enjoy the floating gumballs and totally awesome theme song all over again: