The Top 10 Superheroes You Want as Part of Your Family
With Mother’s Day just around the corner, you may be preparing for a phone call — or a visit — to the family home, something you may be either looking forward to, or dreading. You can’t choose your family, as the old saying goes. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be prepared to, just in case you get the chance. If you could choose any heroes from your favorite comic to join your family tree, which ones should you choose? We’ve got a list of ten comics characters that you’d definitely want at the reunion.
Oh, don’t look at me like that. I know that he’s a crazy loner who has killed two of the people he raised and made the other two so miserable that they were riddled with issues the rest of their lives. And as a son, he seemed to have caused his parents death in seventeen different demonstrable ways. I said ‘family,’ not ‘close family.’ It has been shown repeatedly in canon that this is a guy with a Big Bag of College Scholarships, who rebuilds demolished homes and finds jobs for the unemployable. Sure, you don’t want him as a dad, but as a rich great-uncle, or absentee grandfather, he’d be ideal.
If DC supplies the ideal great-uncles of the world, Marvel seems to have a lock on the cousins. These two characters are exactly the kind of people you want orbiting your family unit, without ever quite coming in for a landing. Peter Parker is the perfect sad sack cousin to go to a bar with. Just buy him a drink, sit back, and listen to his mopey stories while getting increasingly soused. End the night propped up on a karaoke machine, wailing out country songs and it’s a perversely entertaining evening.
Hercules would be the opposite, but equally valuable, kind of cousin. Sure, you would start out in a bar. Who knows where you would end up? By the morning, you’d be alive, but bruised and partially naked, with some kind of mythological creature yelling at you and an amazing story to tell your friends.
Rounding out your extended family would be She-Hulk, the aunt that everyone should have at least one of. There are some family members you run to for understanding, some for practical help, some for a fun night on the town, and some for advice. She-Hulk manages to be all of those things, all while wearing in a purple jumpsuit. As someone you kept close — but not too close — she would be the go-to relative for any occasion.
5 and 6. Jason Todd and Jean Grey
Older siblings can be chosen for a variety of qualities. Slow-moving ones are good for when you don’t want to spend your childhood getting beaten to a pulp. Smart ones who like to show off are good for explaining homework. Of course everyone wants an older sibling who is kind, caring, fun, and involved.
And then there’s an older brother like Jason Todd. Just try to look bad compared to him. Just try. I happen to like Jason Todd as a character, but even I have to admit that he sucks at everything and no one likes him. Having this guy for a sibling is the easy way to look like the angel of the family.
Jean Grey is also no competition in the virtue department, although she is popular, and that’s where her advantage lies. Sure, she has turned into many different all-consuming, world-destroying, out-of-control spirits over the years but she’s never been petty. She’s the kind of delinquent sister who will buy you beer, get you into clubs and scare away an unfortunate ex or two. You might not be able to count on her, but she makes growing up a lot more fun.
Of course, you need younger siblings, too. For that particular role, I would recommend the current Wonder Girl. Okay, not the current Wonder Girl, but the Wonder Girl that Cassie Sandsmark was when she first started out.
She covered her blonde hair with a wig, her blue eyes with goggles, and despite her invulnerability, she wore knee and elbow pads. She was, to put it mildly, a dork. A glorious dork. The kind of fun, peppy, happy dork who makes life better for everyone around them because they combine enthusiasm with a complete lack of social skills. This isn’t just a younger sibling. This is an endless entertainment source, and an excuse to act childish and dorky when you need to.
Someone needs to round up this particular brood, and I think Renee Montoya, the current Question, would make the best mom. Okay, she doesn’t seem particularly maternal, but if there is one mom in the universe most fit to unleash a scorched-earth policy on anyone who hurt her kids, Renee would be the one to do it.
Add to that that she’s a barely functional alcoholic, bounces from quest to quest and calling to calling, and has a few questionable exes hanging around, and she’s the perfect mom to be just good enough to keep you from getting traumatized and just bad enough to force you to grow up into the kind of person who can crank out bestselling memoirs.
9. Steve Rogers
I’m not entirely cynical. I’m capable of making a straight pick. Captain America is kind, sweet, honest, loving, honorable, sensitive, and likes to recite poetry during rough moments. And that’s the Ultimate’s version. You couldn’t really pick a better dad.
Okay, she’s a psychopath. And she wouldn’t make a good parent, sibling, uncle or aunt, cousin or even friend. But there is one type of family member known best for their endless, unshakable, over-reaching, and obviously blind devotion.
Yes, that’s right. Harley Quinn is the granny that everyone always wanted, trapped in the body of a pin-up model. Don’t pretend it’s not true. She’s funny, sweet, and just a little bit loopy. I’m sorry, I know I’m ruining “Gotham Sirens” for you, but it’s true. A better grandmother you’ll never find.
Which superheroes would you want in your family? Let us know in the comments.