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Unified Power Theory Explains Superman’s Abilities Through Physics

When it comes to Superman’s powers, ignorance is bliss. The guy can do pretty much anything, but most importantly, he can do what looks awesome: flying, melting things with his eyes and freezing things with his breath. Does anyone really want to ruin the magic with something as abrasive as physics? Apparently so.

According to io9, the always thoughtful Ryan North of Dinosaur Comics commissioned a scientific-style analysis of the Man of Steel’s genetic arsenal from his friend Ben Tippett. The conclusion was that rather than leaping from random points of his Kryptonian DNA, Superman’s powers stem from one secret, far less interesting origin:

“It is our opinion that all of Superman’s recognized powers can be unified if His power is the ability to manipulate, from atomic to kilometer length scales, the inertia of His own and any matter with which He is in contact.”

Now, I’m no scientist, but it seems to be North and Tippett are so jealous of Superman that they’re willing to equate his radness with that of a lesser hero who simply controls matter. If they keep talking trash, they could hurt the guy’s feelings.

In the words of 1966’s Superman musical:

“Why must the strongest man in the world be the saddest man, tell me why? Don’t they know the strongest man can cry?”

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