Welcome to Cast Party, the feature that imagines a world with even more live action comic book adaptations than we currently have, and comes up with arguably the best casting suggestions you’re ever going to find for the movies and shows we wish could exist. This week, I'm going with one of the classics: The Marvel Family, aka Shazam. In theory this is a movie that's actually going to be made, but I have no idea what that will look like, so I'm imagining my own.

Let me admit to being a purist about something: I'm not okay with calling Billy Batson's alter ego "Shazam." That's the name of the wizard, and it's the magic word Billy says to transform. That name is already doing enough work without being what we call the superhero as well. So for this movie, we're going to assume he's called Captain Marvel. I think Shazam is a fine title for the movie, though. It's been 20 years since Shaq starred in Kazaam, so I don't think there will be too much confusion.

We should start the movie with the heroes established, and maybe just do an origin flashback or two. There's just not enough room to fit origins for Cap, Mary, and Freddy chronologically in one movie, and I don't want to save any of them for the sequel. I think it's that family dynamic that really sets Captain Marvel apart from Superman. I mean yes, there's Supergirl and sometimes Superboy, but they don't all fly around together every day. The Marvel Family work as a team. They're also friends with a talking tiger, which is another unique angle.

The main thrust of this movie will be a team-up between the trio's three greatest villains, Sivana, Black Adam, and Mr. Mind. The whole thing will be a pretty light-hearted adventure, and definitely appropriate for kids to watch with their parents. Because what's the point of heroes who are kids if they're not for kids.

  • John Cena as Captain Marvel


    I can hear people getting mad about this already, but seriously. He has the build, he's growing as an actor, he has a great smile, and there's something about him where you can believe he's a kid running around in a huge adult body. He is going to have to grow his hair out a bit, or else we can just put a wig on him.

  • Ty Simpkins as Billy Batson


    Simpkins, on the other hand, is definitely going to need a haircut. But he's a young actor who's done a lot for his age, and he's got a Cena-esque smirk.

  • Rowan Blanchard as Mary Marvel


    Blanchard is charming on Girl Meets World, and I think she's ready to play a hero.

  • Diego Josef as Captain Marvel Jr.

    DC/Free Chicken Films

    Josef's only done a handful of things, but he totally has the perfect look for Freddy.

  • Dustin Hoffman as Shazam

    DC/Big Light Productions

    This is the sort of small role you give to an acting legend, and Hoffman will excel at the mix of warmth and sternness that Shazam should have. And I want to see him with that beard.

  • Armin Shimerman as Dr. Sivana

    DC/Red Carpet TV

    Shimerman has a huge nerd following thanks to Deep Space Nine and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but this might be the part he was born to play.

  • Dwayne Johnson as Black Adam


    The Rock really, really wants to play Black Adam, and it already looks like he's going to. He's perfect for the part, so I'm certainly not going to argue.

  • Jordan Peele as Mr. Mind

    DC/Warner Bros

    I don't even want to say what sort of voice Peele should do for Mr. Mind. I'll leave that up to him. I just know it'll be funny.

  • Owen Wilson as Mr. Tawky Tawny


    Wilson's distinctive drawl and comic timing will sound perfect coming out of the mouth of a tiger in a terrible suit. You'll just have to trust me on this.