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Enter Hamlet, Skateboarding: ‘Dirtbag Hamlet’ Births A Modern Classic

Dirtbag Hamlet by Matt Lubchansky and Mallory Ortberg

William Shakespeare’s Hamlet has gone through some ups and downs in the four hundred years since it was written. For every thrilling 19th century performance by Edwin Booth (slightly overshadowed by his brother), there’s a version where 45-year-old Mel Gibson plays a college student. But that said, I feel confident in proclaiming that we are living in the greatest period in Hamlet‘s long history.

Not only are we in a time when Ryan North’s To Be Or Not To Be exists, but this week, Mallory Ortberg and Matt Lubchansky have reimagined the classic tragedy to focus on the lead character’s angsty student status with Dirtbag Hamlet. Check out a few scenes below, and know this: They had me at “Enter Hamlet, skateboarding.”

Dirtbag Hamlet by Mallory Ortberg and Matt Lubchansky


GHOST: hamlet you must avenge my death
HAMLET: i dont have to do anything
youre not even my real dad
GHOST: yes i am
HAMLET: whatever


CLAUDIUS: who drew this dick on my face
HAMLET: does your face not always look like that


Dirtbag Hamlet by Mallory Ortberg and Matt Lubchansky


GHOST: have you killed Claudius yet
GHOST: why
HAMLET: f**k you is why
im going to the cemetery to touch skulls


Dirtbag Hamlet by Mallory Ortberg and Matt Lubchansky


Enter HAMLET, skateboarding
OPHELIA: My lord, I–
HAMLET ollies over OPHELIA’s head
HAMLET [offstage]: we were never dating

GERTRUDE walks down the hallway. Enter HAMLET, skateboarding.
(HAMLET skates backwards) UUUUUUTT


Dirtbag Hamlet by Mallory Ortberg and Matt Lubchansky


(HAMLET is dying)
HAMLET: Horatio
come here
(he does)
HAMLET: Closer
(he does)
(HAMLET draws a dick on his face)
HAMLET: ahaha
(He dies)

For more, check out The Toast!

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